Jeremiah 29:11 is an amazing verse…It looks awesome on a coffee cup, bookmark, wall hanging, or picture frame. It is one to keep for yourself or to share with another…

“For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

This was first prayed over me when I was a teenager and has come to mean different things as I have grown up.

First, it seemed almost like a fairy dust promise- as if I was strangely protected from harm no matter my behavior or choices.

Next, it became a bitter taste in my mouth when the fairy dust wore off.

Finally, it turned into an act of submission as I learned that the plan for my life is the Lord’s and not necessarily something that He is going to make me magically aware of with absolute clarity anytime soon.

But I want to know the plan.

Ever feel that way? If I know the plan then I can figure out what I can do to make sure it happens. Sounds more like my plan suddenly…

Over the past two years, the Lord has impressed onto my heart a seemingly simple question

Do you trust Me?

My surface answer is an easy “yes, Lord”.

Then, a secret was revealed that near devastated me and shattered hard earned trust.

Do you trust Me….now?

A deeper answer of “yes” surfaced as I had already been taught the harsh reality that faith in my God was the only real constant I could count on…

Next, my husband lost his job of twenty years and an uncertain future suddenly clouded our vision of what life should look like.

Do you still trust Me?

Yes, Lord…You told me you would provide for my needs as you care for the sparrows and the lilies of the fields.

My husband accepted a new job 10 weeks later…one that suddenly had him not only working outside of our home after 6 YEARS of working in the basement, but also has him traveling throughout the US, Canada, and into Europe. It also came with a major cut in pay and gone were the certain perks that we had become accustomed to.

Do you trust Me???

I felt led by the Lord to return to school for more education: a BSN or other Bachelor degree would certainly bring about improved job security after having our sense of security swept out from underneath us so unexpectedly…it made sense.

Except, I was about to enter into a Ministry Prep Program that had nothing to do with a degree or nursing…it offered a certificate that would bring nothing to my current position of employment. This schooling completely goes against the grain of advancing yourself on the corporate ladder….

I obeyed the leading of the Lord and began classes at Nazarene Bible College.

Are you still trusting Me?

As we settled into a new routine of school, homework, and my husband traveling my father in law suddenly became severely ill and died.

My goodness….how that hurts still.

A void was created that we had no idea how to prepare for… Our world order had to completely shift to make room for the needs of my brokenhearted mother in law.

But I pressed on after hearing the distinctive call into ministry in those first months of schooling.

I applied for my local license (a step that takes me closer to possible ordination within the Nazarene church if the Lord wills it) without knowing what in the world I was doing it all for…ministry for what? Is there a job or career change with this?? What is going on with my life?

Do you trust Me?

“Go on a mission trip and I will provide for it”….He did so we did.

“Start a Bible study and see lives be transformed”…I did and He did.

“Begin a discipleship group with these special ladies over here and see what I will do”….I did and He did.

“Speak”…um, ok. I did.

“Speak again”…are you sure here, God?

Hesitation- on my part, patience on His.

In the midst of my stalling to obey, my job suddenly took an unexpected left turn bringing about an unbelievable amount of uncertainty mixed with a strange sense certainty at the same time.

I felt NO PEACE. There was no decision that I could make that left me feeling settled or comfortable except to BE STILL AND WAIT.

UGH.

DO YOU TRUST ME?

How about this way God?

DO YOU TRUST ME?

Maybe this way instead, Lord?

DO.YOU.TRUST.ME?

Dang it.

I crave God’s perfect peace beyond all things and decided a long time ago that I will do anything the Lord tells me to do to get it and to keep it….so, big sigh, I decided to BE STILL AND WAIT.

I am exhausted. I am stressed. I am nervous about how all this “job stuff” is going to work out. I am frequently discouraged that I cannot possible do all that is set before me to do. I am scared of the future I cannot see.

Yet, I have more never been more certain of being in the right place at the right time as I am right now-even in my current job situation. I have a strange peace that goes completely against my circumstances. I am managing to accomplish all the tasks before me-as long as I keep looking only at today with quick glances into the future (instead of short glances into the present as I peer intently into the future).

“Speak again”…alright, Lord- I do not understand this but…I began this Blog.

I have plans for you-GOD has plans for me, His plan (not mine)

Plans that will prosper you and will not harm you– it does not say anything about being uncomfortable; there is nothing in that promise that mentions about things being easy.

Plans for hope and a future- bring it on