I had gone silent…the words were in my head but would not come out through my fingertips. The whirlwind of life stifled me…and suddenly there is silence.

As a working mom, many can understand the busyness of spring as the school year wraps up. I was told recently that it is not necessary to attend every event the kid may have (track meets or baseball games) and that my kid probably would not miss me if I was not there.

I SINCERELY DISAGREE WITH THAT HOGWASH!! My children seem to want me there with my t-shirts proudly declaring their names!

I had children to be PRESENT in their life…not to continue on with my own day to day plan as if their hobbies and desires do not matter! Do I need to attend every game or event? No, things happen…but those “things” had better be a big deal for me to miss my son crossing the finish line or my other finally hitting that home run I have been waiting for!!

But, man oh man, do those activities take up TIME and is beginning to feel like noise that surrounds me.

I am not trying to recreate my childhood through my kids nor am I a crazed sports fan on the sidelines…what I am is a HUGE fan of T and N Barber! What they love, I tolerate because I LOVE THEM!

But, it is noise that fills the space around me. Short of cancelling all those things they enjoy so I can have some peace and quiet, I must succumb to the season we are currently living in and try to adjust my hearing.

I am distracted by the sound of it….go here, go there, wear this for that event, have your instrument for this activity, eat first, eat later, oops- we did not eat at all.

My head spins and I cannot hear how to maneuver through these days.

I am really not trying to complain- I actually think I am trying to clear my head with this …We wrapped up one sport, finished another (his last flag football as an elementary age kid; this is  an amazing program run by our church-Upward Sports- if you have not heard of it then check it out!), and baseball season has begun for my big hitter who simply LOVES the game. The final band concerts have now also arrived as the school year closes…the kids are excited over that literal noise!

Our choices have choices lately it seems as well…my parents moved, my mother in law is having difficulty, a girl we have mentored got married- asking my husband and I to walk her down the aisle to her betrothed, work is crazy busy, my schooling is wrapping up for this session…it has been NON STOP since Mother’s Day.

All good stuff.

Loud stuff in my head.

Where do I go? When do I get there? Who is taking which kid? Who is riding with which parent?

How many of me is there to go around? I am a wife…mother…daughter…daughter in law…nurse….friend….minister…I am split in twenty directions and cannot hear where I am supposed to be! If I am at one place, it feels like I should be at another: the tug and pull wages inside me as I fear I am falling short while in the battle.

I cannot help but think of the story of Elijah…1 Kings 19:11-13 tells of God calling to Elijah while he hides in a cave. First there is a mighty wind (have you ever heard the sound of a tornado as it passes by? In the 3rd grade one flew through my neighborhood- the LOUD POWER of that wind took our breath away), second came an earthquake (the enormous BOOM of rock moving) and third there came fire (imagine the roar and crackle of a forest fire), he hears nothing but the sounds.

That is my life. Now, I realize I am as safe in my “cave” as Elijah was- I am not dramatic or narcissistic enough to think I am in any peril or have extreme difficulties right now (thank the Lord for His grace and mercy for that!). But, the NOISE is deafening just the same:  the fire and earthquakes  are threatening those around me while wreaking havoc and chaos in its wake. Whereas, the wind is just plain destructive, messy, and time consuming to deal with!

After the fire finally went past, Elijah heard a gentle sound. At this, he went to the edge of the cave where he could hear a whisper saying his name…

Tonight, I feel like I am at the edge of the cave hearing a gentle sound calming the noise in my mind…The wind is dying down and I have survived a busy season. The fire is ebbing and I am not scorched. The dust is settling from the earthquake and I will soon see more clearly what lay ahead.

In the passage of 1 Kings, Elijah felt all alone. God called to him after all the noise when he could finally hear in the quiet. The all-knowing God asked Elijah why he was hiding in the cave and Elijah’s response was because he felt he had nobody anymore even though he had done a great service for God. In the quiet, God told him to go back to work- back to the noise per se- and he will see those who stand with him. Better than that, God gave Elijah a friend in Elisha – who came alongside to minister to Elijah (vs 21).

In a house of four people, when the noise is so loud, I can’t hear my support system. In friendships, I cannot feel them through the fire. I can’t find my resources in a windstorm or earthquake.

Coming through, I see the provision of the Lord carrying me…I have somehow managed to accomplish what needed to get done as I worked through each day, one at a time. I see those who have stood beside me, praying for me and bolstering me. I have been shown the fruit of the effort put into lives around me when the “world” would say my efforts had been a waste of time.

Life does not slow down, the choice between the “better and the best” activity will always be there, there will be another road of suffering at some point that God’s grace WILL CARRY ME THROUGH when that time comes, the noise will change as it ebbs and flows.

I must lean into the silence when it comes, into that gentle sound that is whispering over me…in it I will hear I am loved…I will hear I am not alone…I will hear I am equipped by the Holy Spirit to discern where to go next and when.

Then, I will be at peace to climb out of my cave and get back to work learning from what has happened recently to determine what to change the next time around if it is warranted.

In the silence of tonight what I realize is that it is the people, the relationships that matter…not how much I physically helped, if I physically showed up or appeared in a text/social media only, if I stayed all day or only for an hour…what matters most is that I loved through it.

The phone rings just now (literally) and the next storm has begun…it is time to go to work- encouraging, standing firm in what I believe, being a servant for the Lord in the wind, the fire, and the earthquake.

The silence was golden.