Have you ever woke up and realized that your life was incredibly different than the way it had been a week ago?

That what you worried about last week is not the same thing you worry about today?

That what you used to think about is no where near what you think about today?

How can one week make such a difference?

I woke to a Facebook memory (yes, it got me again!) of another time when I felt the same way…and it offered me strange comfort to see that “this too shall pass”…this current angst is one of many storms in life that will try to ravage my world…

“I am strangely awake and acutely aware of the reality of life today. The Lord joyfully welcomed a veteran of His earthly army into His Kingdom yesterday. I had …the rare honor for a daughter in law to wage a battle over an infection with Dad. I was privileged to advocate for his life with everything I have. I was allowed to stand by him daily, hourly, as he fought for his life. I was there for his salvation and can’t wait to see him again in heaven! My life is forever changed by this experience. The Lord has stayed close and I am counting on His promises to endure these days ahead. I loved my father in law, my kids adored him… He will be greatly missed.”

Soooo…in the midst of the storm, I was in a position to share some encouragement to those who are grieving this holiday season- I am thankful to have also been encouraged myself to keep pressing forward. This is what I shared:

In years past, 2 days before Thanksgiving, I would’ve had my table decorated and ready to be set. The china and crystal would be ready to put in its place. Pies would be made (or ready to be made), the turkey bought and thawing in the fridge. I would have my Black Friday plans ready to go as a plan was necessary to get the good deals.

The weekend after Thanksgiving down would come the fall leaves and pumpkin decorations and out come the 10 rubber made storage bins of Christmas stuff! Plans to get a tree went on the calendar. Pictures were sorted through to decide what would go on that “perfect Christmas” card telling all my friends and family what a wonderful year we had and how we looked forward to the New Year.

Presents for the family and friends were eagerly purchased and wrapped in anticipation of passing them out at a holiday function that was planned in the very near and crowded month of December.

I have anxiety just remembering those days!

Then it all changed when my sister in law passed away in 2009. That Christmas there was no jolly sentiment to be shared on a Christmas card. The idea of traditions terrified and angered me because it was a farce (in my mind) to think we could carry on as if she was just working or busy that day. Too much food and drink made me miserable as my stomach was already upset. I had no energy for the busy business…let alone “normal “activities like going to work and helping my children with their homework.

Sound familiar??

A few years ago we had that ice storm- Who had power on Christmas Day? We, by God’s grace, received a generator on Christmas Eve that allowed the greatest Christmas present ever…HEAT. A minor, but major to my heart, was also a light in the living room and an outlet allowing the Christmas tree to be lit.

Suddenly, the simplest thing became the greatest treasure…and nothing else seemed to matter. It seemed to cement how I had been feeling about the holidays over those past 5 years.

When my sister in law died I just didn’t care about traditions because they hurt.

I didn’t care about presents, because they seemed useless and shallow and empty.

I didn’t care about Christmas greetings, because I simply wasn’t “merry”.

At Thanksgiving- I just wasn’t thankful.

All  events were exhausting and I felt forced to put on false cheer as we stuffed the turkey and filled our bellies with family favorite dishes.

When we lost power, we physically couldn’t do things the way they had been done but boy did we ever try!  No matter what the effort was, though, one could not pretend it was warm in my house or that there was a light on in the refrigerator when we opened the door. Things were spoiling fast in there!

And let’s not forget the flushing the toilet situation-not exactly an easy feat when one does not have power!

Two years ago my father in law fell ill and died suddenly…two years ago today actually. With one week later being Thanksgiving I sincerely struggled with how to find the energy to make a meal, host friends who had been planning on coming into town, all while planning a funeral.

After past experiences with grief during the holidays, I learned that the best approach to Christmas was to “keep things quiet and simple”…so I invited both sets of parents to spend the night at my house on Christmas Eve- there was nothing simple about this choice! I thrust myself into a venue of celebrating the “perfect Christmas morning” with pre-teen kids (can you say “apathetic”??), a grieving widow with bronchitis, and parents who longed to fill a void of Christmas memories that had been out of their reach since I was a kid.

Why did I do this??

You see, those around us want a “nice” holiday together and we want to provide that. Somehow we think that  we will  feel a sense of normalcy by doing things the way we always had. We think that  by choosing to keep the traditions of old it could almost trick us into thinking that life really wasn’t all THAT different.

It is as if I could trick myself into thinking that my sister in laws death does not carry on a domino effect still felt today…that us not having power wasn’t really that big of a deal, it was more of an adventure; that we could happily meet my friend’s fiancé for the first time and come across totally normal while reeling from the shock of a sudden loss from sepsis…

I can honestly say now that there was nothing normal or adventuresome about flushing my toilet with snow we had melted and sifted to get the leaves out when one needed to use the restroom!! Nor was there anything “normal” about a holiday without my sister in law being there. And my life has completely altered now that my father in law has died!

This year, and the next 50 to come, will be different because someone we love is gone forever. There is no tradition that will cover the situation no matter how hard we try.

The harder I try to fight the acceptance of that idea, the worse I feel on the inside. The more I try to keep pressing on as if NOTHING is changed, the worse I feel on the inside.

So, where do we go with this? The holidays are here and our life is most definitely different: things have happened to bring about major change be it  storms or illness or death.

I guess, then, here comes HOPE FOR THE HOLIDAYS.

Comfort from the Lord means to infuse strength into you, to give you hope and encouragement….I want to offer you that kind of comfort tonight because, frankly, there is no easy fix to make this holiday season “better” for you. We have  great tools at our fingertips – but those are  kinds of situational fixes:  like survival assistance.

Psalm 34 has given me much encouragement of late- especially when I don’t know what I should do, how I should feel, how I can help…This Psalm about God offers more than survival assistance.