In case you hadn’t noticed..I struggle with a lot of things. If you have read any or many of my blogs over this year (it has officially been a whole year since I had the courage to begin writing in this type of venue!), you may have noticed a few things about me: I am too busy, my feelings fluctuate quickly and my writing reflects that, I am insecure and worried what others think of me, I want people to like me, I have doubts about my future…

I am sure there are others to list that you may enjoy pointing out but for now, I dare say, this “short” list will suffice!

As per my usual, my feelings dictate my thought processes lately.

If I am feeling low, my thoughts take me on a journey where I may have fallen short a time or two (hundred).

If I am feeling anxious, then I will find things to worry about and easily become overwhelmed by the multiple tasks in front of me.

If I am feeling angry, I will be looking for a fight somewhere so look out! You may find me aggressively folding laundry or suddenly inspired to wash dishes…

If I am feeling hopeful, then I begin to get excited…

If I am happy, then I am laughing or sitting in ease…

It goes on…and I am sure it is the same for all of us in some way or another.

The problem is that I TEACH others to not obey their feelings…

Ugh.

What a phrase to echo in your head…convicting you…when your feelings lead your thoughts and behaviors down a path the Lord does not want you to go because He knows the pit that path will end in.

However, the more my life has changed lately the more easily susceptible I have become to listening to my feelings.

There is an undercurrent of depression that fights for entrance into my home we are constantly waging against…my husband and I take turns standing guard over the threshold to keep it at bay or to kick it out because it is not wanted here.

We do battle to protect what is ours and will do anything to keep them safe….especially when that war zone is in the spiritual realm fighting to claim victory over what has been covered by the blood of the Lamb already.

That type of enemy attack is sly, sneaky, quiet like a thief, slippery…it comes in the dark of night when all should be sleeping and peaceful…it latches on when all seems well and digs its claws in causing confusion when there should be joy..it spreads like a plague to those around it because it is infectious…

Depression is no joke folks.

But…it is not invincible either.

After another long day of heaviness over my heart, I found joy in the laughter of those God has chosen to place around me.

Why these specific three and why now I find myself frequently asking lately? Is it alright that they bring me this much enjoyment I often worry??

Unfortuantely, I also teach others to quit asking WHY and ask a new question instead like WHAT NOW…

Again…ugh to the conviction!

Darn you accountability!

These three are gifts and my joy…it is what it is… So not why Lord, but instead what now?

I give thanks for them and accept the encouragement that is freely given through them. I receive the peace that is being offered because my Savior loves me…for no reason other than He knows me and made me- warts and all.

In my frustration of doubts, lack of understanding, insecurity, battle fatigue.. When I decide to look at things a different way and casts all those cares to the Lord- I read this and can truly see it:

Do not dwell on the past,beloved. You can learn from the past, but don’t let it become your focus…I am doing a new thing! Be on the lookout for all that I am accomplishing in your life. Ask Me to open the eyes of your mind and heart so you can see the many opportunities I’ve placed along your path…Remember that I can make a way where there appears to be no way”~ Jesus Always Sara Young

Maybe, these opportunities come in the form of fighting depression because it is threatening those I love…but it is also a training for something more as well because so many, too many, do not have anyone fighting for them as they wage this same battle.

Opportunities come in the shape of my uncertainty of my future so I  better trust the Lord for the growth of my own faith…but maybe to also be an example of how to endure when you have no idea what is happening.

I LOVE Isaiah 43:18-19~

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See… I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?? I am making a way in the desert (the dry, barren, lifeless land of your life) and streams in the wasteland ( bringing fresh, forward moving water into what was stagnant and murky).

Look and see what the Lord is doing- He does not slumber nor quit, is always creative and creating…He is always working things for good for those who love Him.

Hallejuiah!

Can a girl get an “AMEN”?!

Forget frustration…I choose to be empowered!