As the reality of the news of the death of someone by the taking of their own life settles on me, the fear I have deep inside me stirs in my bones…threatening to surface from the abyss I had cast it into months ago.

Holding my friend as she cries in agony over this horrific loss of a young girl she loved opened the chasm of that abyss that had been sealed shut….just a crack.

Suicide is a nightmare that will be lived through by the survivors.

Suicidal depression is torture that is painfully experienced by both the one in the chains and the one who stands helplessly by watching the brutality of suffering.

As insomnia threatened me once again..bringing her “friends” fear and anxiety to the surprise party I did not know I was invited to…a moment suddenly came to my memory to shine a light into the darkness that threatened to overcome me.

I saw a young girl the other night. She is the same age as my son…quite beautiful and very talented.

Her mom said she waited on the sidelines of the crowded auditorium for a space to appear in front of me so she could approach freely.

As soon as she did I embraced this precious gift of life so fondly. And she hugged me back with a life that is thriving.

In 2016, her mom called me out of the blue saying her daughter was suicidal and she was desperate for help…what did I think she should do?

What did I think she should do???

Who was I to offer any advice when her child’s desire to live literally hung in the balance?!

Through that time we spoke often, cried together, prayed together…

I encouraged the mom to get help and how to get it…

(I gave her the suicide hotline number and told her to call the pediatrician on call immediately to be told what exactly should be done medically next and where)

As her daughter lay sobbing in her arms that night I was allowed to help.

That is the girl I hugged so fondly.

She is alive.

But even better than that…she is thriving!!

That family does not go to our school so her and I being in the same place at the same time on the night where fear beckoned to me so harshly was nothing short of a gift from God.

It was one, though, I did not see until the wee hours of the morning last night.

Seeing her smiling, excited face tell me she plans to pursue pediatric medicine in my memory gave me the hope I so desperately needed and the reassurance necessary to push back that fear that was calling.

Reassurance that cannot be provided by the one I sought it from…perhaps because he isn’t the one to give it to me in the first place.

This sweet girl’s life gives me something to claim:

Perhaps you need to claim this too on your own behalf or for someone else…

You have a future..and I will see it happen.

God did NOT bring you this far to leave you now in your despair…He is not in the abandoning business.

God did not bring you through, protecting you, guarding you, guiding you, for this to overtake you someday.

I refuse to accept anything else.

I BELIEVE in the One who made you and I believe in the strength He has given to you.

That strength is evident in the courageous choice you make every day to get up and get going regardless of how you feel.

I claim the victory of your life to be something even more amazing than you already are.

As I walked through the bedrooms of the sleeping boys in my house last night, I prayed for them heartily. But then I praised…for my God is merciful and loving.

It is good for me to remember that.

Psalm 143 NLT.