There are days when despair threatens to overwhelm…just when you think you have all possible avenues covered of what is looming ahead…the phone rings and another scenario presents itself.

Watching my friend grieve a loss I so desperately fear is horrible…not to be able to offer comfort is such an incredibly helpless feeling.

Knowing another friend is desperately struggling to find peace and acceptance of her cancer diagnosis and…again…being unable to do one darn thing to help is…

SUCH AN INCREDIBLY HELPLESS FEELING.

Watching the battle of depression and feeling the rejection in it…

Do I need to say it again? I think you are understanding my point here.

My health…

Yup- helpless.

And now one more thing…may be nothing, but it may be something.

But, I don’t think so.

Sometimes you just get that feeling- you know?

I will share it when I am ready but for now know a little/big piece hangs in the balance for a month before we know for sure…

So we get to wait….helplessly.

See a pattern?

Maneuvering when I am so weak is so hard…it is frustrating.

The song about says “surely my God is the strength of my soul…Your love defends me…And when I am weak and all alone- Your love defends me…Your love defends me”.

Seriously, I need someone to fight for me…to defend me…

I can’t do it alone.

I don’t want to.

I don’t want to be afraid of grief…of pain…of sorrow…or suffering.

I want my soul strengthened in spite of it…or maybe because of it.

So, I sit here at a parade…remembering that life goes on, the world keeps turning, candy still gets thrown at cheering little kids waving American flags, movies will be watched on humid, hot Saturdays…

I remember that there is a time for tears but also there is a time for laughter…a season of mourning and a season for dance…

I remember I can be pressed but I will not be crushed.

How do I know?

Because I remember that His love defends ME.