I wrote this 4 years ago but it has so much meaning to me still today that I chose to update it and share it…

9 years ago today, my family was robbed of a precious sister, mother, friend, and daughter by alcoholism.

She was so much more than the disease that took her from us!

Since then, my eyes have been forced open to the brokenness that exists in this world we live that feeds into the desire to escape.

Before her death, I lived in a way that reflected an acceptance to “this is as good as it gets, so it doesn’t matter what I choose to do in excess”…be it drinking, eating, shopping, tuning out to the world around me with technology…

Well if that’s as good as it got, her death and therefore life, shouldn’t resonate an impact on me.

What she did, DID matter…who she WAS meant something…

Her legacy is NOT the alcoholism that took her zest for life, love, and laughing.

Her legacy IS her life, that showed us how to be parents when we had no one to watch do it, who had such pride in the nursing care she provided to her patients; her love, that made me feel like I was her sister, that loved her brother more than her own life, that wanted nothing more than to please her parents, who worried how well of a job she was doing at raising her kids; her laughing so loud it made you uncomfortable because people would turn and stare, her ability to get everyone to do the silliest things on a dancefloor, play on slip and slides, cartwheels in the yard, dance parties in the garage…

My life matters.

Your life matters.

Our choices matter to those around us and someone is always watching..be it our children or a stranger on the street.

Alcoholism still plagues my family: it is always hanging in the corner of my mind where deep fear likes to hide and it most certainly likes to surface and challenge us…

For me, because of what we lost, I was forced to look for meaning into her life, my life, life in general.

I found hope, healing, and peace in the Lord who comforted me when nothing else could.

I found restoration and forgiveness in my home because of the unending love He has shown me no matter what wrongs I have done which helps me to forgive the hurts I too have received.

I found a release for my fears because I know who has won the final victory and there is nothing my Savior can’t overcome.

My eyes are open: I am continuing to choose to learn lessons from all my experiences, I love more deeply and simply…

I am not perfect, I will continue to struggle as long as sin is still present in this world…but my sister taught me to ask for help, to not live alone and closed off, to enjoy life and not reside in despair, that I don’t have to be perfect because perfection is unattainable and soul crushing..I just have to be the person I alone was created to be in His image….thank you Dee.