I am sitting here this morning with some rare down time…

I could be showering to ready myself for the day…

I should wash the dishes that are waiting for me in the sink…

I could start an exegesis on John 2…

I could even have gone to work for a few hours this morning…

I won’t even suggest that I could be on the treadmill because that is a ridiculous, laughable thought!

My mind is scattered, like pieces of paper blowing in the wind…and my body is tired today.

Plus, these two yah-hoo’s are snuggled up together next to me…making me feel all content with life.

A cozy fire would make this complete but, alas, I am too tired (lazy) to start one so I shall sit here with a blanket instead.

And a cup of coffee too.

How often do we just “sit”?

Not much over here.

When I was younger and my first born was a babe, I worked the 7pm-7am shift in CCU ( I am an RN if I never said that before).

I was so tired all the time.

It could have been because I was a new mom…or it could have been because my sleep schedule was off like all the time…Regardless, I sat around a lot on my days off back then.

I remember planning my days around TV shows…

Goodness.

I don’t even know how to work the TV’s in this house anymore thanks to our Firestick-we-dont-have-normal-cable system!

How different life is now from then!

I felt entitled to rest in those days and I feel guilty to do so now. Crazy.

But life has a way to teach us to slow down, doesn’t it?

I am in a self-designated “hiatus” from certain activities that cause me to commit my time on a regular basis…(Thanks to my Crohn’s, my physical wellness is in flux so I am fearful to be accountable to much outside of work right now).

In this “hiatus” ( sabbatical- if you will), I am trying to figure out what to do next…What do I want from life? What is God training me for or trying to show me/teach me during this not so fun period of time?

So..I should sit more…right?

Guess what I am doing? Working more.

I do like my job so that helps. I feel valuable there…needed…wanted….appreciated.

The extra money helps when I am worried I have to take time off for an actual sick day…

But it makes me tired.

So, today, I chose to not volunteer my morning to the work place and to stay home. My kids had a half day (now a snow day) it’s my mom’s birthday, and we have dentist appointments~it’s not exactly like I have nothing to do…But the pull to do more is definately there.

WHY IS THAT??

Maybe because in the stillness we can feel the beating of our own hearts…sense the desires of our dreams…hear the Lord speaking to us.

A few months ago, my husband traveled to Seattle for his job. It was after the Thanksgiving rush and before the Christmas chaos. We had dealt with our new family dynamics through one holiday and had yet to face them through the next, bigger one.

And I didn’t feel well at all.

I woke up at my usual early time of the morning to sit in the still of the house before the day really began.

I learned a long time ago that it is best for everyone if I wake up first before they start requesting things of me!

It has become my favorite part of the day…the time I choose to give to the Lord every morning. We commune together over the quiet and coffee…I am awake, alert, and ready to see Him in those moments. My thoughts are fresh…I write best then too..

That particular morning was nothing special: I had to work, get the kids to school…normal stuff.

As I sat there in the cool of the morning I began my devotions.

It was then I realized how quiet it was in the house.

I mean it was quiet.

Too quiet for a late November/early December morning in Michigan.

MY FURNACE WAS NOT TURNING ON!

My husband, my problem solver, my jack of all trades, my he can fix anything, extremely capable love of my life is in Seattle.

I texted him of course- forgetting the almost 4 hour time difference between us.

And he calls me immediately.

It was like 3 in the morning there!

Long story made shorter, I was able to find someone to come out for free to fix the smallish issue that had cause our furnace to fail.

The point here is not my furnace.

It is not my husband traveling.

It is what happened in the silence.

I heard something in it.

I could tell something was wrong, needed to be dealt with, needed repair, needed attention…

I could think in the silence. I was not (overly) flustered in it because I heard the wisdom in the quiet- text Dan, find help, stay calm, do not make this into a bigger deal than necessary, do not martyr this, be thankful you noticed this and could make a change, learn something through this.

If I was quiet more often how much more could I hear?

Here I am today…again sitting in the quiet…

Do I worry about the future? Yes. My husband wants to make plans for our 20th Anniversary- ten years ago I was sick from my Crohn’s and we made early plans for our anniversary. 3 weeks before we were to leave, his sister died. I am scared to plan now for worry/fear of the unknown.

Am I worried about my future health? Yes. I was told yesterday by my doctor that my plan for this Seton drain to be in place for 6 months may well be extended to 9-12 months~ there goes my beach time…

Am I worried about living life with Crohn’s and being able to do ministry? Yes. I was so exhausted last night I don’t know what I would have done if I had a class/counseling commitment.

My list goes on and on…like yours does I am sure.

But, if I sit in the silence, I feel content…not rushed…not pressured to be, to do, to go…I feel content. Safe. Loved. Satisfied.

The Lord has provided through all this…just as he did for furnace help while Dan was away.

He will continue to do so as I continue to seek Him every morning, every day.

Psalm 59:16-17

But I will sing of Your strength,

in the morning I will sing of Your love;

for You are my fortress,

my refuge in times of trouble.

There is something to be learned in sitting…I should do it more. Will you join me in the effort?