Being a person plagued with self doubt, I identify with this morning’s devotional reading from #jesuscalling by Sarah Young:

“Self pity is a slimy, bottomless pit. Once you fall in, you tend to go deeper and deeper into the mire. As you slide down those slippery walls, you are well on your way to depression, and the darkness (there) is profound.”

Having just returned from an adventure with with my son and an encouraging event with my church, one should wonder why this strikes a chord so hard this morning.

The truth is that we have an enemy who likes to hit us where he can….and maybe it is more likely to happen when we are feeling contented so our defenses are down somewhat.

He likes to hit my “you’re not good enough” button..

Do you have one of those?

Perhaps you have one by another name…

The slimy, slippery slide of self pity is not a fun ride that I chose to wait in line for at an amusement park and yet I find myself on it anyway.

My limitations are suddenly mountains I can’t climb.

My dreams are unreachable.

My passions are foolish.

My talents are over exaggerated.

See where this goes?

To Nowhere-ville.

Planet Pity.

Cry-town.

In that pit I am frustrated, discouraged, irritated with bitterness knocking at my front door.

My husband gave me one simple word in response to the party invitation I sent him (to the pity party– get it?):

PATIENCE.

No one likes that word.

No one.

But there is empowerment in the wisdom of it.

Why?

Because it means I must be productive in the waiting.

It means I must be trusting in the waiting.

It means I must believe that the waiting time is temporary and will end at some point.

My time is not wasted there.

My resources are strengthened there.

My passions stir there.

When my thinking shifts, the last call signals drawing the pity party to an end…

I choose to think differently.

I choose patience.

I choose to look up from the darkness and reach up out of the sticky mire that tries to hold me captive.

I choose to climb back up toward the Light of Truth that says I do have value…I do have worth… I am created for a purpose.

Psalm 40:1-3

I waited patiently and expectantly for the Lord;

He inclined to me and heard my cry.

He brought me out of a horrible pit and out of the miry clay.

He set my feet upon a rock, steadied my footsteps, and established my path.

He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God;

Many will see and will fear the Lord with reverence and will confidently put their trust in the Lord.