11 years ago today, my family was robbed of a precious sister, mother, friend, and daughter by alcoholism.

She was so much more than the disease that took her from us!

Since then, my eyes have been forced open to see the brokenness that exists in this world we live that feeds into the desire to escape.

I had been living my life in a way that reflected an acceptance to “this is as good as it gets, so it doesn’t matter what I choose to do in excess”…be it drinking, eating, shopping, tuning out to the world around me with technology…if that’s as good as it got, her death and therefore life, shouldn’t resonate an impact on me.

However~

What she did, DID matter…who she WAS meant something…

Her legacy is NOT the alcoholism that took her zest for life, love, and laughing.

Her legacy IS her life:

that showed us how to be parents when we had no one to watch do it,

who had such pride in the nursing care she provided to her patients,

her love, that made me feel like I was her sister,

that loved her brother more than herself,

that wanted nothing more than to please her parents,

who worried how well of a job she was doing at raising her kids,

her unrestrained laughter that was so loud it made you uncomfortable in public because people would turn and stare,

her ability to get everyone to do the silliest things on a dancefloor,

play on slip and slides, cartwheels in the yard,

dance parties in the garage..

My life matters.

Your life matters.

Our choices matter to those around us: someone is always watching..be it our children or a stranger on the street.

Alcoholism still plagues my family: it is always hanging in the corner of my mind where deep fear likes to hide and it most certainly likes to surface and challenge us…

However, because of what we lost, I was forced to look for meaning into her life, my life, life in general.

I found hope, healing, and peace in the Lord who comforted me when nothing else could.

I found restoration and forgiveness in my home because of the unending love He has shown me no matter what wrongs I have done which helps me to forgive the hurts I too have received.

I found a release for my fears because I know who has won the final victory and there is nothing my Savior can’t overcome.

My eyes have been opened and I am continuing to choose to learn lessons from all my experiences.

I now love more deeply and simply…

I have learned how to find hope through telling my story of grief and to listen to others while I choose to walk their journey with them.

I am not perfect. I will continue to struggle as long as sin is still present in this world…

but my sister taught me to ask for help, to not live alone and closed off, to enjoy life and not reside in despair, that I don’t have to be perfect because perfection is unattainable and soul crushing..

I just have to be the person I alone was created to be in His image….

Thank you Dee.

If you are hurting or know someone who is grieving or suffering through am addiction…There is help. There is hope.

We were made to live and abundant life.

We were made to live through the heartache with a Helper at our side.

We were told we would never be alone.

One verse that is an absolute favorite for me is from Psalms 34:18.

Cling to it.

Memorize it.

Tattoo it.

Treasure it in your heart.

The Lord IS close to the brokenhearted and SAVES those who are crushed in spirit.

Hang on. Pain ends.