After an amazing three years of stability and growth we were forced into the wilderness.

Would one ever CHOOSE to go into a time of wilderness? I highly doubt it. We would much rather stay where that stability and growth had become a rather comfortable place to reside, wouldn’t we?

After all, we had experienced peace and healing there…certainly not perfection, but definitely peace, healing, and spiritual growth.

Yes, we may have had some things that were stagnant as well, but the benefits of comfort were still many.

Why make a change?

Needless to say, in our situation all those years ago, we did not see the job loss coming.

Working for a company for twenty years as a valued employee usually MEANS something, right? Apparently not to Big Corporate.

The wandering in the wilderness of unemployment was painful for us. It was filled with uncertainty. We were sad. We were angry. We were afraid. Our pride had been severely damaged.

We were brought to our knees before the feet of Jesus. We had nothing. We felt we were nothing. And there was nothing that felt SECURE anymore.

BUT GOD.

That time of wilderness brought to us an awareness of the PROVISION OF GOD we had never known before: we were positioned to learn what leaning on the Lord really meant.

When God had placed a question on my heart the year prior of “Do you trust Me”, I had NO idea how my resounding YES was going to be tested!!

Could I trust the Lord with our provision when our employment would no longer be what WE expected?

Could I trust the Lord with my marriage and my husband’s sobriety now that he had been stricken with unemployment?

Could I trust that the Lord LOVED us and that we were NOT being punished?

Could I keep claiming the promises that I KNEW to be true even when life was not looking at all like how I imagined it would look?

Five years prior to this time, I had the opportunity to share my testimony of how the Lord had revealed His mercy and comfort to me in my grief. My unexpected encounter with Jesus during a grief support class TRANSFORMED my life- similar to Paul’s experience on the road to Damascus.

Once I had SEEN the living Christ and KNEW I was loved by Him even as I was, there was no turning back for this prodigal child!

After I shared my story I had a side conversation with a lifelong servant of Jesus: a woman I now proudly call my friend (and who is the inspiration for the name of this Blog!).

I told her that I believed the Lord had great things in store for me (that sounds lofty, I know… but it was what was impressed upon my heart). However,I also told her, I knew that my husband was the KEY: he required salvation and then doors would be open for us to do “something” for the Kingdom that I knew we were called to do.

Pretty bold a claim, huh?

Even more so if you knew my husband at that time in our marriage.

Interestingly enough, a person from our past recently “rose up from the ashes” to remind us of how REAL our lives were during that time. It’s not exactly pleasant to be reminded but, in a way, necessary to remember certain details just the same. I won’t say I am thankful for that particular “resurrection of memories,” but God used the painful reminder in the days to come as He has everything else we have gone through.

What happened was that within a year of my bold proclamation to that precious servant of Christ, my marriage entered into a crisis I never anticipated could happen. I felt betrayed, and my husband was left to decide if he was going to “stay or go” in our marriage.

That is a brief synopsis of a time in hell, but I hope you can understand the pain I am not ready to publicly express regarding those days.

I had CLAIMED IN FAITH the declaration that my husband would find salvation in Christ, and a year later, my marriage was at a crossroads instead.

How does that happen?

To fast forward the story to the good part: my husband chose me…chose us…chose our kids…chose our life together.

And then, after MUCH more time, he chose to have a relationship with Jesus and found himself to be a new creation in Christ.

That was when those three years of stability and growth began.

It was BEAUTIFUL.

But, as the story resumes, three years into that time of growth we found ourselves in the wilderness trying to decide HOW to trust the Lord when we had been doing “everything right” and this STILL happened.

What were we to do now?

What were our lives going to look like from this point forward?

The details of that journey are massive in proof of how GOOD our Father in Heaven loves us (not just me and mine, but YOU too).

The relationship between me and the Lord, my husband and the Lord, my husband and I together in the Lord grew deep as we leaned into God with all our uncertainties….our dry and parched, desperate roots reached out for water and found it to be LIVING…refreshing…restoring… revitalizing.

After almost three months of unemployment, my husband accepted an offer to work at the company where he is currently employed to this day eight years later.

It felt like an answer to prayer. Until it didn’t.

You know what I mean by that? Ever been there?

You pray for something….then you get it, but out nowhere, you aren’t so sure it was what you wanted after all because it doesn’t exactly fit the model you thought you prayed for.

You see, we had young sons who were entering into the very busy season of after-school activities while not being able to be home alone yet nor transport themselves to and from places….and my husband’s “answer to prayer” job wanted him to TRAVEL

Out of state.

For a week at a time.

At least twice a month.

He was CERTAINLY not stagnant in his career anymore, but I was INCONVIENCED by his job satisfaction.

I was angry…again. He found his dream job while I convinced myself that I was left home alone to manage our household

I was afraid…again. The list of house issues we had while he traveled were many, and I felt incompetent to handle them.

“Do you trust Me” echoed as my husband and I quarreled toward acceptance of our new reality.

“Do you trust Me” to help figure out childcare concerns?

“Do you trust Me” to find independence when left alone to manage our home?

“Do you trust Me” to protect your husband that I have given back to you?

“Do you trust Me” to take you to the future that I have planned for you?

My “yes” had been resounding in the past…it may have been more hesitant, but my memories of the wilderness allowed me to submit to the answer to prayer I had been given.

This job was going to look this way….and God was going to use it for His glory.

I dug my heels in and softly claimed that promise while asking for confidence to be given in my belief of what I had been told in the Bible.

That leads me, here, to today….eight years of traveling…of learning a new way to trust and communicate in a marriage.

And today is a place of thankfulness.

I am grateful for the continued provision of the Lord as that job he accepted all those years ago was not what we expected or wanted… but was what the Lord knew we needed…what I needed.

Here is my truth: over a year ago, an amazing woman and a most wonderful friend died after a warrior’s fight against colon cancer. I am not “over” my sorrow and missing of her. My grief for losing her is heavy on my heart as there have been recent, tangible reminders of what died with her.

One year ago, my son left our home to join the US Navy. Perhaps I keep the “apron strings too tight,” but I MISS him. I am excited FOR him, but I am officially watching his life from a sideline that is THOUSANDS OF MILES away. I am still adjusting to this new way of living without him in our day to day lives. I find that I feel guilty moving forward “without” him: taking pictures, celebrating holidays, planning vacations hurt.

Four months ago my Crohn’s disease decided to take a turn into its own direction once again. I continue to battle fatigue and discouragement over a war with an autoimmune disease that I cannot control or predict, let alone see.

Finally…my job: healthcare has been forever changed by COVID, and therefore, my career as an RN looks incredibly different than it has in almost thirty years of working at a patient’s hospital bedside. The strain of work is a heavy burden with no ease in sight as financial concerns and major staffing issues plague all medical facilities.

I find I am still asking: am I doing what You want me to do, Lord?

There have been many things in my life, in my marriage, that had been intended for evil…that could have brought about our destruction or hardened my heart with such bitterness that thankfulness would never have been a welcome emotion.

Have I done well?

Am I doing enough?

I am tired, Lord.

I am weary, Father.

But also, I hear this echo from deep inside me~ I am so so thankful, Jesus.

That job? It has brought me rest.

His travels? I have been brought along, not left behind.

He works and I recover.

He labors and I am restored.

He provides and I am rejuvenated.

Am I talking about just Dan here?

No. The Lord has simply allowed my husband to be a beautiful allegory:

HE works, my God works, so I can recover.

HE labors, my Savior and my friend Jesus, so I am restored.

HE provides, my Father who loves me, and that rejuvenates me.

Exodus 14:14

The Lord will fight for you; you only need to be still.

I am thankful that this job that I argued against and was ungrateful for -even though I had prayed for it- has provided me an opportunity to be still.

Psalm 46:10

Be still and know that I am God.

In being still, by being given an opportunity to be still, I have found rest.

Matthew 11:28

Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

BUT GOD.

Genesis 50:2

You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good.

Romans 8:28

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.

Keep claiming the promises!

Keep turning to the Lord for His rest.

Stay thankful…even when you don’t understand.

Be surprised by how God uses what was a discouragement, an irritant, a disappointment, an inconvenience for GOOD.

And don’t forget to rest.