Author: thischicksinpeace

I love reading the notes I have written in my Bible or devotionals…it is something I learned from watching my mom over the years. She would jot down names, dates, situations, prayer requests next to certain verses and would often mention them to me as she came upon them.

She still does…especially when those notes concerned me or my husband in our wayward days!

The neat thing about my own note-taking habit is hat I never know when one will pop up so it is a little memory surprise some mornings-something like a Bible Facebook memory!

Today my devotional led me to Isaiah 26:3-4~

You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. Trust the Lord forever, for the Lord, THE LORD, is the Rock eternal.

Off to the side I see 2 dates (one fairly recent and one from 2014) and 2 names. Both situations I can recall without effort as the intensity of those circumstances is ingrained into my memory.

What is more interesting is what I wrote in between the dates:

-how do I live with this?-

How often is that the question? There are so many times the choices that people make affect us in absolute adverse ways…we are T-boned by their life consequences and it hurts.

I learned a long time ago- although I am frequently reminded that I have not yet perfected the practice- that I am not responsible for another person’s choices or responses…

I get that…but it is a struggle within me to live that.

When my husband was walking his own path of drunken disillusionment, I somehow managed (with God’s help!!) to seperate myself from his choices. I had to come to terms with the reality that he was going to make his own decisions-whether I or laws of the land agreed with them- and he only was responsible for the consequence of those choices.

The reality for me was I would be seriously and significantly affected by those consequences which could wound me and my kids deeply, embarrass us, or even ruin the life we currently lived.

BUT I WAS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY OF IT…he would be.

I could not carry that weight because it was not mine to carry.

I chose to sleep with the phone away from the bedroom when he went out at night…I figured if there was something I needed to know that would pull me out of bed to deal with the police would come and tell me in person.

That was a sad time and a sadder reality.

But a hearty lesson of letting go and learning to trust in someone bigger than me to take care of me and those dirty details of life.

How do I live with this?

By trusting in the Lord, THE LORD I TELL YOU, for He is THE Rock eternal.

Do you want perfect peace in those not-so-perfect situations?

Trust in the Lord…He will keep you in perfect peace as you keep your mind set on Him…not set on the problem or what you cannot control-but on Him: your Maker, Creator, Savior, Comforter, King, and Friend.

Believe me or not, I slept those nights all those years ago.

I slept those nights in 2014 when I first wrote that note in my Bible.

I am sleeping now in 2018.

When I struggle, I return to the Giver of my Peace and ask Him to help me trust again.

My experiences have shown me that God is faithful for me to lean on..He is the only One who has never failed me…even as I come before Him honestly with my doubts, fears, worries, anxieties-especially in the peace of the night.

Setting my mind on Christ is the only solution that gives me rest.

But those who wait for the Lord – those that expect, look for, and hope in– shall change and renew their strength…they shall run and not be weary…Isaiah 40:31

Is that ever a good verse or what???

Except when feeling the need to apply it to your own life….

Waiting….stinks.

Yes, I think being productive while in the “waiting room of life” is incredibly wise and intentional but when there is seemingly nothing to do it becomes an incredibly stagnant way to pass the the time frankly.

Sometimes…there just isn’t anything to do in the waiting.

Or, worse maybe…there just isn’t anything you feel like doing or have the energy to do or have the attention span to do while waiting.

My lack of focus seems to be a recurrent issue…I have so much to focus on that I can’t seem to find my “spot” to see while I twirl in an effort to not get dizzy (a throw back analogy to my OLD dancing days). My eyes are constantly searching and searching…My mind just wanders and wanders…My body is restless from the effort to be still.

The funny thing is, for me lately anyway, that when I feel like I have made progress and have been called out of the waiting room I find I have simply been moved to another level of a sitting in a room in an office.

Know what I mean?

The questions haven’t really changed, the answers still haven’t been given, there hasn’t been too much change in the situation…marked improvement-yes, for sure- things are definately not worse thank God! But the plateau of healing and progress is loooooong and flat.

“Waiting on God does not mean that we do nothing, while expecting God to do everything for us. To me it means that I wait, expecting God to give me direction if there is something He wants me to do, while also trusting Him to do what only He can do…” (Closer to God Each Day).

Sometimes all there is to do is what you know to do in order to keep moving forward through the waiting…

It looks like doing alone time with God, maybe even extending the “normal time” by an additional 15 minutes each day (we all know we have the time…)

Sometimes it’s choosing to go to a Small Group or a luncheon when going home early or staying home instead seems a more appealing option…

Sometimes it’s inviting people over when you would rather be alone…

Time with God is always time well spent. Time spent serving God will always nourish a spirit.

So, to get through the waiting and not be tired or weary requires expectant hope in the faithful character of God.

I need to rememeber what He has done in the past for me, for others, in the Bible…lean on what I know and not what I feel.

With God’s help, I can do this.

So …Joyce Meyer’s devotional this morning reads (Closer to God Each Day) “the devil will give up when he sees that you are not going to give in”.

Hmmm.

How was your week?

I had a lovely breakfast and pedicure with my mom to celebrate her birthday Tuesday…during which I received a call and numerous texts wondering why I did not show up to my job. Nice feeling to screw up your schedule again and no call/no show to your professional place of employment.

Wednesday was a day full of preparation. I had a long time with the Lord in the morning before I planned out my Sunday School lesson and that evenings grief support lesson. The session was to go over the question “why“…it’s a pretty big deal question for those who are grieving. I also received a text to inform me of potential new joiners for the evening. It being a rather deep lesson for someone who is freshly grieving to walk into caused me to want to really prepare: what does it mean to lament? Is it ok to question God? What do I do when I don’t get the answers I seek?

I was ready and told my girlfriends that I felt emotionally and spiritually ready finally to face the class after a drought I had been feeling since January. I felt my zeal had returned.

At 5pm, my son wanders into the basement to play a video game. He comes upstairs a little later to inform me that the carpet feels “damp”.

I live in Michigan…we are wet here! Tons of rain and warm air that has melted a ton of snow on top of still frozen ground so all the condensation has zero place to go…that means flooding.

We have standing water in our back yard that looks like I could put my kayak in for a good time!

I head down stairs to assess the scene and, yup, we have water.

Did I mention my husband is in Atlanta?

I should also interject here that my Mr. Fix -It skills are rather lacking…

My sump pump either quit working or is overwhelmed to do the job that all this massive water accumulation is causing it to do.

I call my boys to the basement and call my husband for HELP.

As the minutes go by I realize I need to get to my class very very soon…how on earth can I do that? My basement is under water….

I was forced to throw up the white flag of surrender and called my pastor hoping he would answer the call for help and not be busy.

Thankfully, he did! He not only fascilitated my class for me but he also found someone to come ovef and work a miracle on my sump pump to get her going again…unbelievable!

Another miracle was that I only yelled a little at my boys and my frustrated husband only yelled a little at me during this time.

If you are married with children and own a home you will understand the shear magnitude of that truth!

WATER IN A BASEMENT IS STRESSFUL PEOPLE!

The boys and I managed to round up some dehumidifiers and set up camp for the evening to make sure our “fix” held…

All the while this is happening, my husband was trying to finish a deal for a kitten purchase…it was a long distance transaction with a multitude of unusual steps to ensure his arrival on Saturday…something the whole hkuse was excited for.

The boys and I decided to relax and watch a movie together -Thor (😁). We were all cozy in the living room, feeling thankful that the “flood” was caught when it was so the damage was not worse, grateful for the help of our pastor and the availability of the man who was able to help me out for free….

All seemed right with my world.

Then, my husband texted and said we were the “victims” of pet fraud….how on earth is there such a thing??!

Long story short, it appeared we were scammed foolishly out a small yet significant amount of money in our purchase of our newest family member. My husband was working hard to get our money back sussessfully…but now we have no kitten.

Disappointing.

This morning is Thursday: I have coffee grounds in my coffee, a wet basement, and no kitten.

BUT~I am not defeated. I am frustrated, yes….but, as my devotional reads, I have learned to “stand my ground and effectively resist the devil”.

I did not swear.

I did not cry.

I did not have a temper tantrum.

I did not fight with my spouse.

I did not carry on in panic with numerous people to stir up the drama of it all.

I did not lose my cool (too much) with my kids.

Thank you Lord for teaching me how to have self control and for loving me through the big and small trials of life. Thank you for helping me to learn “to be stable in hard times” so I can be close to God and “press through any difficulties” I may face…especially when they seem to come like a flood.

The devil can just QUIT IT because I am not alone in my battles- I have a mighty King fighting with and for me.

I think the answer to having and keeping peace may be found in being thankful.

Colossians 3:15

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts…and be thankful.

Keep your eyes on the Beacon of Light shining when in turbulent waters…it will always guide you to safety in a storm.

Do you have a Bible passage that speaks to this to share?

The temptation is always waiting to become self-sufficient. There is this inerrant pull to do things on our own-even as toddlers!

My parents would tell me I would often say “ME DO IT” as I was learning new activities of living!

As a mother of a strong willed child I can attest to the frustration of trying to guide or counsel a child who simply thinks he has it all figured out- and The Young Master is only 12…we have the teenage years to even enter yet!

Self sufficiency or self reliance can trick us so easily into thinking we do not need others or God to help us accomplish our goals, simple tasks, or to enhance our current existence.

The repetition of my devotionals this morning tells me I need a guide… a shepherd even.

When unexpected illness beckons on my doorstep- I need someone to guide me in wisdom on how to maneuver without panicking.

When someone you care about suddenly appears saying they are suicidal and needs a safe place to live where they can heal while feeling loved-I need a guide to pave the way before me and a shepherd to protect me from doubts and critiscms that say this situation is hopeless and I am ill-equipped to help.

When a friends marriage falls apart-I need a guide that tells me love still overcomes.

When a car accident steals a child from your community leaving everyone questioning where is God– I need a guide to help me be a source of comfort as I have been one who has received comfort.

When a high school shooting claims the lives of 17 courageous souls and I need to still send my own precious trio to school today- I need a shepherd to protect me and them.

Psalm 23 is one we learn as children but I wonder if it is one we really read?

The Lord IS my shepherd

I have everything I need (not always want)

He lets me rest in green pastures and leads me beside still waters…

He renews my soul

He guides me along right paths- bringing honor to His name

EVEN WHEN I WALK THROUGH THE VALLEY OF THE SHADOW OF DEATH I WILL FEAR NO EVIL FOR HIS ROD AND STAFF PROTECT AND COMFORT ME.

“Seek to attune yourself to what God is already doing”…not to what you want Him to do in dire circumstances. (Jesus Calling)

“I lovingly go before you and open up the way,careful preparing the path you will follow…and I help you handle the difficulties that remain” ( Jesus Always)

“Fight every battle with a heart of praise and worship, believing that God will work in our life and circumstances…As we worship the Lord, we release the emotional or mental burden that is weighing us down. It is swallowed up in the awesomeness of God” (Joyce Meyer Closer to God)

A thought to ponder as I brace myself for the day:

“Ready means to be in for condition for immediate action”…

How often do I ask my kids or my patients “are you ready” and receive a begrudging “yes” before realizing they have not brushed their teeth, cannot find a backpack, or suddenly need to use the restroom.

How many times have I been “ready” and, as I walk out the door, realize I cannot find my keys?

As a mom, a homeowner, a nurse, a wife, a caregiver, a woman heading into ministry, a student-I feel I need to be ready for any thing at all times.

My “life is like a car with the engine idling”!

The Bible tells us, encourages us, to not be busy but to be ready..

What will it take for me to simply be ready for whatever next comes?

A nap?

Better organization?

Simplify my life?

Lower my standards to something more attainable?

Relinquish control?

Or…the theme of this weekend retreat…submit fully to God-so my plans, all,my past, all my fears, all my future, all my loves, so my dreams…

And do it face down before a loving, just King NOT with my hands up and back against the wall.

Aaahhh, Lord…You have made the heavens and the earth by Your power and outstretched arm. NOTHING is too hard for You~ Jeremiah 32:17

So…

We wait in hope for the Lord;

He is our help and our shield

~Psalm 33:20

This may well be a rant.

Today is Thursday.

Every Thursday the same thing happens because it is garbage day.

And every Thursday the same thing also happens…everyone forgets it is garbage day except for me.

Reminding those in my house each Wednesday to empty all the garbage cans in preparation for the next day to come is met with the same reaction:

                 “Why do we have to empty the garbage?”

                  ” I did it last week why do I have to do it again?”

                    “I forgot to do it”….even though the exact same reminder is there EVERY WEEK ON THE FRIDGE.

Emptying the garbage in the house is only half the battle: we still need to get the can to the curb in time for the garbage truck to come and do what it does with it.

Apparently, this is also something that only I can remember because of the five in this household, if it is forgotten, the responsibility of that act falls on my shoulders as the rest are seemingly clueless that this happens ON THE SAME DAY EACH WEEK.

As I lugged the big can out of the snow bank my sons had buried it in when they shoveled the snow this week (thank you for that extra effort guys), I found myself feeling despondent.

In my 18 years of marriage, I have long since figured out it is never the laundry, the toilet paper roll, OR the garbage that is the issue….there is always something deeper.

Fifteen minutes after getting it to the curb, the truck came to empty it.

I made it just in time!

It is a simple, uncelebrated, unrecognized victory.

And that was where the sadness came into play….

Somewhere inside this yoga pants wearing, pony tail sporting, doing dishes at 7 in the morning, part time working RN dealing with a ton of unwanted work stress and responsibility, part time ministry student, wife, daughter, mother of teen boys I feel myself screaming to be SEEN.

I am MORE than the one who annoys you with my enthusiasm over your life skills and concern over your well-being.

I am MORE than the only one who takes the time to make dinner in this house.

I am MORE than a poor substitute Department Manager.

I am MORE than your cheerleader.

I am MORE than your other half.

I am MORE.

I have feelings.

I get scared.

I get lonely.

I need hugs.

I like to be wanted and not just needed.

I have opinions that want to be heard.

I should be valued and appreciated as a functioning member of society.

I am smart.

I am funny.

I love deeply.

I hurt easily.

1 Chronicles 28:20 is King David talking to his son Solomon. David had received all the plans from the Lord to rebuild the Temple…but God told him he would not be the one to have the honor of doing the task- his son would.

He tells his son all the details he would need to know to get this enormous task completed. And then he gives him encouragement:

Be strong and courageous.

DO THE WORK.

Do not be afraid or discouraged…

for MY God is with you.

He will NOT fail you or leave you

until ALL the work for the service of the Lord is completed.

Do not be discouraged for God will not leave me until the task is completed that He created me to do…that He placed me in a position to complete.

Do not be discouraged???

Another mundane task quickly turned into a messy frustration while vacuuming the stairs…

My God will not leave me until the work He has set before is completed…

So…DO THE WORK AMY.

My God is a God who sees me…

He knows me….and knows what I need… because He created me.

He knows I am more than I appear.

The Bible says to ask and you will receive….

Well, Lord, I ask that the desires of my heart would be met because they are Your will for my life. I ask that the hurts of my heart would be taken care of because you are close to those who are hurting. I ask that my purpose would be found in YOU. I ask to be content with what I am currently enduring through and see the lessons you will have me learn while in this place of being seemingly unseen. Thank You for hearing me…

Psalm 34:4

I sought the Lord and he answered me.

He delivered me from all my fears.

Those who look to Him are radiant:

their faces are never covered in shame.

No matter the size of the task, it will never have a chance to get done until you start it.