Author: thischicksinpeace

I am sitting on this for a bit.

Proverbs 29:25 Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts the Lord will be kept safe.

I was caught off guard last night by a personal criticism that cut me to the core.

“Self righteous” and “judgmental”…

Wow.

That is humbling to write.

It is painful to hear from the heart of someone you thought you knew.

Talk about stirring up my “people pleasing” nature but quickly recognizing the defeat as I cannot possibly counter such an attack without confirming both those attributes in the eyes of the accuser.

People will see what they want to see, I cannot control that.

People will perceive what they want to perceive….I cannot control that either.

Thank you Sarah Young, for your Jesus Always today..

You must not let circumstances define your sense of security

Preach it!

Though it is natural for you to want to be in control of your life

Yup.

I (God) can empower you to live supernaturally, resting in my sovereign control

Did you say REST??

I (Christ) help you face unwelcome changes…

Don’t even get me started…

and even catastrophic events, without fear.

Here comes the word picture–

Instead of letting anxious thoughts roam freely in your mind, LASSO them by voicing your hope in Me.

For the 1000th time, God keeps revealing Himself to me to say “quit trying to figure this out”, “trust in Me”, “don’t try to please everyone in this because you can’t….please Me instead“.

Take captive my thoughts.

Believe what I know to be true.

Let my faith be my eyes.

Trust the God of the impossible.

I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Clinging to the criticism caused a war in my mind leaving me with a headache and heartache…anxiety waged as I could not make it “right” nor did I feel justification of my personality or choices would be an act of love.

Silence and forgiveness…letting go and moving forward…confidence and strength found in the quietness….acceptance that this is what is… but that I am still who I am…

an imperfect, growing, child of the Living God.

Whoever trusts in Me is kept safe

Words still hurt, relationships still struggle and stumble…but safety and security can be found in the arms of my Savior….all because I choose to trust in Him and not me or my circumstance.

PS It is hard to be honest…even here where I should feel safe. But if I cannot find the words here to express then they hold power over me. Thank you for accepting my transparency.

I enjoy working out a simple equation. I appreciate the consistency of math. Yes, there are variables and arguments that could be had but for simplistic thinking (which is more calming to my mind than looking for a problem where there isn’t one).. I will stick with this equation~

1+2 (always)=3

2+1 (still always) =3

It just is what it is.

Phillipians 4:4-7 is kind of like that:

Rejoice in the Lord and do not be anxious (or worried) for the Lord is near.

Because He is close, tell him everything-take it all to him (the joy,sorrows,angst of your heart) and be thankful for His listening and for being someone who has the ability to do something (at a restaurant we take our problem with our meal to the one in charge right? Why? Because they can do something about it…God is the same..why complain, beg or plead, or praise just anyone? I want to make my case to the One in charge!)

THEN, when you do all that, the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will be given to you. That peace will guard your heart and mind.

Notice, the “=3” does not say an alleviation of the problem or a solving of the situation….instead we are given PEACE through it…we are HEARD and UNDERSTOOD in it….we are SAFE as we ride this out.

Do this, get that.

I like it!

I find myself suddenly content…

I am strangely at peace…

I find I am smiling somewhere inside my heart…do you know what I mean by that?

All is not changed with my situation but yet… all is well with my soul at the same time.

I think of Horatio Spafford as he penned those lyrics of his famous song as he gently rolled over the same spot that had claimed the lives of his children and many other souls in a shipwreck. The story goes that Spafford was making his way across the Atlantic to join his traumatized, shipwrecked wife in England when the captain of the ship called him to the deck. They had reached the point where the shipwreck had occurred.

Can you imagine standing on the deck, looking over the rail down into the dark ocean water that had drowned your children?

Would you stand there for a while or walk away quickly?

Would you cry, scream, vomit?

I don’t know what I would do either.

At the deck rail of my life, I have shaken my fist at God…I have cried with deep anguish in tones I did not know I could utter…I have begged and pleaded for mercy…I have been brought to my knees.

Horatio Spafford went back to his stateroom and wrote the lyrics to It Is Well With My Soul.

His situation was unchanged.

He was living in a nightmare he could not escape from.

But…as the sea billows rolled, he could write it was well with his soul.

In her Jesus Always today, Sarah Young writes ” when your world seems dark and you trust Me anyway, My Light shines brightly through you.”

This light is warming and strength-infusing…filling all the gaps and voids that the darkness has tried to shade making me fill confused, empty, drained.

Can you feel that Light piercing through you when you need it?

You have to seek it…look for it…expect it.

In her Jesus Calling, Sarah Young writes this: “My face is shining upon you, beaming out peace that transcends understanding. You are surrounded by a sea of problems, but you are face to Face with Me, your Peace…If you gaze too long at the myriad of problems around you, you will sink under the weight of the burdens. When you start to sink, simply call out “Help me Jesus!”

I am repeatedly reminded of Peter walking to Jesus on the water during the storm…he took his focus off the Lord and became afraid when he saw the tumultuous water around him. Once he cried for help, Christ grabbed him and together they climbed safely into the boat.

Only then did Jesus calm the storm.

I have no big revelation here…

I have no real answers…only more questions if I stare at the waves around me.

Looking over the deck rail onto the water of my life I see waves that look like fear, frustration, regret, panic, anxiety, weakness, fatigue, sadness, uncertainty, weakness, doubt…

Looking over the waves at the One walking on the water, I see hope…peace…possibility…stability…rest…strength…

Keeping my eyes on Christ, I feel thankful…grateful…content.

I am not perfect in or out of this situation.

But I am content to be held right now where I am…in the storm…

“So look beyond the way things appear, and take courage!” ( Jesus Aways)

What more can I say?

Revelations 2:4 tells the church of Ephasus that they had forgotten their “first love”….the Apostle Paul had previously written a letter to the (the book of Ephesians) that was so much more encouraging than admonishing-perhaps trying to warn them to stay the course, not wander off, be connected to the One you love…

In times of struggle it is easy to keep my focus on the problem. Let’s face it, some problems are unrelenting…terrifying…all-consuming…ever changing so you can’t relax because just when you thought you had a victory or over come- WHAM -another wave hits.

Reading Jesus Always by Sarah Young this morning has challenged my thinking…what IS my first love? Or WHO is my first love?

I think-my husband of course..he is who I married after all! 

Or I could think of that first real boyfriend and say it had to have been him…I may not have stayed with him forever but what I felt was real.

Or was it my folks? They loved me the instant they knew I was coming…they wanted me, planned for me, and have continued to walk with me all my 42 years.

Now, while the storm of life is raging, I question-has it become the storm?

Jesus Always writes this, ” When you prize Me above all else,making Me your First Love, you are protected from feeling fragmented.”

I love Jesus Christ. No hesitation.

But, my eyes are on the storm right now. I cannot deny it. 

I am scared and constantly on guard. I rest in peace intermittently and then fear or panic rises back up to stir the waters-distracting me.

I truly love who I am in the storm with and with would do most anything to keep them from harms way…but the question becomes-is that desire MORE PRIZED than my FIRST LOVE?

Do I desire their happiness and safety over the One who promises me that His joy will be complete in me making my joy complete?

NO facet of a storm can make my joy complete. No person can make my joy complete. 

Only Christ.

In Jesus only can joy become my strength. In Jesus only can joy exist in times of trouble. 

It just isn’t humanly possible to do that on your own. 

I cannot create my own joy and neither can anyone else for me.

People, my children, my husband, my friends, can make me happy but that happiness is circumstanally limited. 

COMPLETE JOY is what we are talking about here.

I do feel fragmented…my mind goes in a million directions trying to maneuver in the storm and hold onto the one in the center. 

That is not a bad thing. I need to stay alert and aware, be responsible, remain a safe place, stay calm, think ahead, be wise, be patient, stay strong….

But to do so on my own abilities will continue to hinder their progress and my own.

Staying in the storm with my focus on my First Love will allow me to be complete…whole….joyful…gentle…self controlled…can you see the extended list of the Fruit of the Spirit?

God does not call me to “leave” when the going gets tough…Instead, He calls me to lean on Him during those times.

To lean fully and in trust, I need to remember that HE is my First Love..

How do I know?

He created me.

He died for me when I did not deserved it.

He gives me grace and mercy when all human patience has worn out.

He forgives me.

He restores me

He refreshes me

He brings good things to me….even this storm.

My life is radically changed by this experience…but it has been changed by the One I am going to choose to focus on.

Psalm 62:5-8 brings it all home for me this morning! The Lord is pounding me with His truth as I search for specific answers! I know the Bible will not directly tell me what I am to do with my time, how best to handle a situation, or which is the best way to go…but yet I find myself asking God: “so…what should I do for New Years?” ” How do I handle this personal relationship issue?” “What am I to do with the disappointment and anger I feel over this situation?”

The irony is that I am drawn to His Word for an answer completely realizing that New Years will not be found in either the New or Old Testements-lol!! But, it is to His Word I go.

I found this~

Find REST oh my soul, in God alone;

My hope comes from Him.

He alone is my rock and salvation;

He is my fortress,

  I WILL NOT BE SHAKEN.

My salvation and my honor depend on God; 

He is my mighty rock, my refuge…

TRUST IN HIM at all times, O people; 

pour out your hearts to Him.

for God IS our refuge.

My questions don’t get answered by looking at the problem…however, their importance and purpose become more clear through the light of God’s love for me and the rest of His children.

That clarity can provide the visualization of the path to take.

https://goo.gl/images/MMbKyS

Hebrews 12 is a-MA-zing..no doubt about it! The incredible beginning that encourages us to throw off what slows you down and run with perseverance the path that is set before us while keeping our eyes on the example of Jesus who CHOSE to endure His own suffering just so we have someone to follow…AWESOME!

Next, is the resolution that discipline and hard times have a purpose to produce a HARVEST of right living and peace…we need to be trained in the fire first though.

And then comes the finale of THEREFORE..

Strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees…

Now, I am not one for exercise. I know I should, my soft waist line tells me I should…but, frankly, I am not a fan of exertion (there, I said it!). 

I would not say I have FEEBLE arms..but I am also not about to try to do a pull-up any time soon or hold a bucket of water with my arms stretched to my side either!

To strengthen my arms I have no choice but to exercise them daily…it may require resistant weights, push ups, and perhaps even pull–ups. 

Weak knees are another matter…like I said-I am no fitness guru-but I don’t recall any knee strengthening exercises. I have known people who have had knee replacements and they do exercises to strengthen the muscles and ligaments around the knee but not the actual knee..

To me, weak knees means fear…being afraid. If my knees are weak and wobbling it is because something has me “unstabled” emotionally more than physically.  I have become weak in the knees.

How do I strengthen that?

By  learning what it is I am afraid of and how to overcome it.

Therefore,learn about, use, and then exercise my areas of weakness and overcome my fears…

All this is to make level the path where I walk…

Now, my life journey seems to have a multitude of ups and downs…highs and lows…mountains and valleys…rivers and deserts…know what I am saying??

Is that because of my RESPONSE to the journey? Is it because my arms are feeble and my knees are weak meaning my weakness and fears are guiding my reactions?

The purpose to casting off what slows us down is so those who are watching and following will not become disabled themselves while on their own path. That, instead, they could be healed from their own weakness and fear.

We need to seriously acknowledge that people are watching and following our example all the time whether we like it or not…it is a fact of life.

Jesus gave me an example to follow with His perfect life and then said FOLLOW ME. Next, He told me to go make disciples…

THEREFORE I am to follow Him so others will follow me following Him.

     (Did you follow that??? Read it again if needed!)

THEREFORE, I AM TO FOLLOW HIM SO OTHERS WILL FOLLOW ME FOLLOWING HIM…

Doing so with strong  arms- overcoming my weaknesses– and with stable, secure knees-victorious over my fears –so others can be healed too.

What I have learned is that my life and experiences are not all about me and for only me…it just is not how we were created.  We are places into a community of living with others. I believe that every experience can have a purpose if you choose to let it and use it within that community or works around us. ..every good or bad or horrific circumstance can be used for good by God if you let Him into it…

It becomes our choice of what to do with our situations…our feeble arms…our weak knees..our life lived among others.

Therefore…I say – let us RUN.

I find myself in a situation that I am not yet ready to put into words.

Have you ever had something SO INTENSE happening that you know you need to record your thoughts about it but the mere thought of putting what you are thinking  into real actual phrases seems overwhelming because then those thoughts have become REAL?

Yep…that is where I am.

In fact, it almost is worse, because those words are trapped in my head and do not want out just yet…

Soon, the release will come… but not yet.

In the meantime, the Lord is holding me close and (not always in subtle or gentle ways) guiding me. Today is an example:

Kingdom perspective, God‘s perspective,  this is bigger–than–just–me perspective must be intentionally placed in the forefront of my mind.

In John 13, Jesus is giving His friends -the disciples- some final instruction and encouragement. He knows He will be leaving them soon but they all think they are having a nice family dinner.

The question is asked: what would your final instruction be to those you love most in the world if you knew this would be the last time you could talk to them?

Would it be about a football score? The annoying person at work? A complaint about the weather?

Would it be advice about money? A lesson in playing tennis or how to cook something?

Jesus chose to teach His friends about the one thing that they would take with them into every situation…how to love.

” Jesus knew that His disciples hadn’t understood everything He had taught them, but the one thing He couldn’t risk was that they miss the meaning of love. Love means being loyal to others in spite of conflict, misunderstanding, or difficulty. Love means bending in self-sacrifice to ensure the ultimate good of the loved one” (The 365 Most Important Bible Passages For Mothers).

This kind of instruction requires love in action-meaning I need to live out what I want to teach just as Jesus did… living in “radical, selfless service”.

I am not capable of loving like this in my situation on my own abilities nor can I demonstrate it confidently without help from the Lord who is the DEFINITION of love.

This kind of love can only come from the Father and be manifested in me as a fruit of the Spirit….to ensure the ultimate good of the one loved.