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Psalm 8:4-6

What is man that You are mindful of him? And the son of man that You care for him?

You have made him lower than God and You have crowned him with glory and honor.

You made him to have dominion over the works of Your hands; You have put things under his feet.

Who am I?

What am I?

What am I to do?

Does what I do matter?

Do I matter?

When I focus on me, I get confused over my next step. I begin to question my choices. I wonder about my place in this world and if I can really make any kind of a difference.

When I quit being me-centric, I realize there is a whole world out there that does not revolve around me.

If I’m not the center of even my world, then who is??

My spouse?

My children?

My job?

My skills?

All those things can be taken from me in an instant.

In a blink, I can be stripped of all that matters and all that I am good at…what is left now?

I find comfort in knowing that I have a Creator. I was made for Someone. I have a purpose for which I was made to accomplish. And He is my center.

I think we need to hear this…we need to say these words to ourselves.

These are scary, lonely, isolating days where we LONG to be with people, but know we need to stay apart in order to stay safe from the spread of COVID-19.

All the more reason for us to really question, what or who is at the center of me?

A second question to reflect on is does my life reflect that center or I am only speaking words?

Say this with me:

I have been made in the image of God.

I have been created because He wanted to creat me.

My purpose is the love God and to reflect that love by loving my neighbor.

I have been created to be a steward over the things I have been given: my gifts, belongings, family, this world we live in.

I am created to bring glory to God by how I care for His creation.

Even separated from family and friends, we have been given a beautiful gift called LIFE. We can still share it with each other albeit in new and creative ways.

We can appreciate God’s creation by going outside and thanking Him for it.

We can call our family and friends and appreciate the few minutes of distraction by that call. We can refuse or rebuke the spirit of discontent that it could not be more than it was as we are all longing for contact as we social distance.

In this time of solitude, we can learn to enjoy who God created us to be as an individual …uniquely and wonderfully made.

Who is God that He is mindful of me??

He is faithful.

He is loving.

He is good.

He is with us.

“Healing is a process”….but it sure isn’t one we like waiting on, is it?

We want to be better now.

We want things to improve now.

We want this situation to be changed now.

We want this to be over now.

In addition to all that, IF WE ARE BEING HONEST, we certainly don’t want to be inconvenienced by whatever “this” is either now~ in the present~ or later on~ in the future~ do we?

As a person with a chronic illness, I can honestly say that I wish the treatments that I have to undergo would work quicker.

I also get frustrated with the inconvenience of being immunocompromised…with trying to finagle my work schedule around my infusions – my treatments…

I also am hopeful that treatment in the present does not cause me further issues in the future.

But, healing is a process though, right?

We are living in a most unusual period of time with this COVID-19 pandemic concerns, aren’t we?

Here, in Michigan, the school systems across the state have officially been closed starting this past Monday.

NATIONWIDE, all professional sports activities have been suspended.

Concerts are being cancelled right and left.

There is an international travel ban.

Restaurants are closing to eat -inside customers.

Fear is rampant.

Anxiety is everywhere.

Uncertainty is lurking.

Panic is waiting at the threshold.

The question becomes

WILL WE LET IT IN THE DOOR AND ALLOW IT TO CONSUME US??

People are scared of the idea of contagion – enough to empty our stores of surplus – and yet are worried over cancelled sporting events, concert venues, and child care due to no school.

Many of these, especially weekday meals for kids and child care, are legit issues…but many other concerns are the inconveniences of the healing process.

As an immunocompromised RN who works in the hospital (while already battling the tail end of a two week long cold), I am concerned over how we will deal as a society if this social distancing is not effective enough.

We complain over the treatment – in this case it is PREVENTION THROUGH TEMPORARY ISOLATION – but how much more will we suffer if this illness spreads?

What do we do in the meantime??

Simply put, I cannot help but recommend Philippians 4:8

Whatever is true, whatever is honorable and worthy of respect, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and brings peace, whatever is admirable, if there is any excellence, anything worthy of praise ~THINK CONTINUALLY ON THESE THINGS.

We all have things we wish were different, but this is how things are for today.

Think on GOOD things,not on things that disappoint us.

Think on things we respect and admire, not on things that frustrate us.

Think on things that are lovely, not on things that bring us fear.

Think in things that are right in front of you that is worthy of praise,not on things that have not happened yet.

We are in strange times but we are not left alone in them.

God does His best work turning what was planned for evil into good.

Recall His promises.

Cling to His faithfulness.

Rest in His love.

We are in this together.

I’ve had a few interesting weeks where waiting has been the big theme.

The idea of waiting can bring about feelings of eager anticipation, frustration, fear of the unknown, anxiety over the uncertain, hopeful expectation.

In both situations, I’ve been forced to just sit. There was no way I could hurry the circumstance along. I had zero control over what direction the answer would be when it finally came.

I knew what I thought the outcome would be but I did not know for sure…

so I had to wait.

Have you been there?

Sitting in the waiting?

Trying not to wonder too much?

Trying to just be in the moment?

There is nothing passive about that experience.

In fact, it could quite possibly be the most active I’ve ever been…active in doing nothing

As I waited I had time on my hands.

I don’t know about you, but that could be dangerous….too much time to let my mind wander into the worst case scenario of the unknown and sit in the abyss of anticipated anxiety.

Good times, huh?

The Lord is teaching me something different though.

I do not believe He is causing the scenarios of which I wait, but I do believe He is working on me in them.

Panic, fear, anxiety, despair are from the enemy and keep me immobilized.

The Lord wants me to overcome that. He wants me to see Him and trust Him even when life seems uncertain or scary or out of my control.

It is in the waiting where He teaches me how to do that.

Isaiah 30: 18 tells us that the Lord waits and longs to be gracious to you…He waits on high to have compassion on you for the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who long for Him.

In the waiting is where God is waiting for me …He is longing to shower me with His compassion that will sustain me.

It is in the waiting where I long for God to show me His compassion.

If I am spinning my wheels, fretting, worrying then I am in no position to receive His blessing …it is when I still myself in His presence that I am blessed.

What does that look like?

Trust me…I know what we wait for and I know the news we expect to hear can be life changing for the better but we fear for the worst…I know.

So what does it look like for me when I wait?

I breathe.

I do the next right thing.

I pray.

I choose peaceful activities when I can.

I simplify life where I can.

I rest if I can.

Quiet music.

Limit my talking.

Be intentional with where my thoughts wander toward.

Take captive my thoughts.

I told you~ it’s not passive at all.

The Lord is longing to show His compassion…we need to position ourselves to receive it.

Patience is accompanied by the peace that passes all understanding …trusting is allowing your hurting heart to be held by the One who knows you best and loves you most.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and He saves those who are crushed in spirit~ Psalm 34:18.

We often wonder what people think of us….worry about it even…

We probably assume people think the worst of us because we focus on our own imperfections~assuming others do as well.

In Numbers 13 we are told of the Israelites who were sent to look at the land promised to the people by God. The land was everything they ever dreamed of having ~almost too good to be true.

God promised them they could and would have it but they were afraid to go take it from those living there already.

Numbers 13:33 speaks of how deep negative perceptions can run even in spite of an awesome God that had already shown His might through a multitude of miracles:

We were like grasshoppers in our own sight and so we were in their sight.

The assumption was that because the Israelites felt weak, small, incompetent, and incapable so thought the Canaanites .

The fact was that the Israelites had a growing reputation that they traveled with a powerful God leading the way and clearing the path….but they did not see themselves as powerful and so assumed others did not as well.

That assumption cost them the Promised Land until another 40 years went by…

On the other hand~

Doesn’t it feel good when we find out someone thinks positively about us???

Isn’t it empowering??

Our Father in heaven does 100% of the time…and He knows every little thing we have ever done or thought about doing.

Even while knowing our innermost thoughts, HE LOVES US.

Why?

BECAUSE HE CREATED US.

Psalm 139:17 tells us this~

How PRECIOUS are Your thoughts to me, O God! How VAST is the sum of them!

Rest in knowing that your Maker is thinking loving thoughts about you today and let that encourage you to step forward in faith to do what He asks of you.

Have you ever felt that the effort of pushing fear, pain, worry to the wayside in order to keep moving forward is like trying to swim up current?

It takes a lot of effort to make any progress while the fear, pain, worry comes right back around at you anyway…

It’s exhausting.

Makes my arms feel like Jell-O.

And the heaviness is worse due to my efforts.

Perhaps that’s the key….the effort of pushing it away is exhausting, but flowing with the current is not.

Where will the worry take me if I let it carry me, I ask?

Into the arms of the One I say I trust in~ who is always waiting to catch me…

Deuteronomy 33:27 says the eternal God is your refuge…and His everlasting arms are underneath you.

Psalm 120:1 is an all surrounding me theme this morning~

I took my troubles to the Lord

– I cried out to Him-

And He answered my prayer.

Being honest with the Lord about my concerns is like floating with the current…I am not trying to avoid them…I am not trying to push those thoughts away…I am not feeling sorry for myself while I acknowledge them…

I am giving them to the One who can hold all that I care about and still hold me too.

That’s what I need.

Strong, righteous, everlasting arms underneath me.

Psalm 16:8 I HAVE SET THE LORD CONTINUALLY BEFORE ME; BECAUSE HE IS AT MY RIGHT HAND I WILL NOT BE SHAKEN.

#anxietysupport #worryless #findstrengthinmyweakness #everlastingarms #trustthelordwithallyourheart #hope #hangonthroughthehurt #hangonpainends #deuteronomy33

To my readers…thank you for giving me a place to express my inner thoughts.

For those who don’t know me, or to those who think they do, I wonder if I am perceived as being a fairly normal person or someone who lives her life spreading scriptural platitudes…

I am as normal as a person gets folks.

I sleep through Bible studies on accident.

I don’t want to go to work on Monday’s.

My feelings get hurt super easy.

I overanalyze phone calls from loved ones I haven’t talked to in awhile.

I write about Bible Passages because I choose to lean into and apply God’s Word to my daily life…

~kind of like nourishment.

I need the encouragement for myself every day.

So, I post on Instagram… Facebook…Twitter….write a blog…

I do it to encourage me.….and in the hopes others will be encouraged as well.

That being said, seeing all those Valentine’s posts from yesterday has got me thinking….

Those can be hurtful to people who do not think that they have those so-called “perfect” lives.

It could really trigger some raw emotions of the “if only I had….”

Yes, I confess, I posted an obligatory lovey-dovey collage I made of me and my hubby about him being my Valentine for 23+ years:

But, how about this:

I wasn’t the recipient of flowers at work (or at home), chocolates, or card…no Facebook announcement in affirmation of his great love for me…

I left little sweet treats on the table for my darling sons…I sent them a Snapchat picture of the treats with a Happy Valentine’s Day and a suggestion to do something for their Momma- to please clean the kitchen while I was at work and they were home for the day…

No response.

No kitchen cleaning.

No “thank you”.

No “Happy Valentine’s Day” in return.

Just blah teenage boys whose interest in their Momma has waned with puberty.

My husband and I did go out to dinner (yay!), leaving the precious duo to fend for themselves after they cleaned the kitchen…only to have my evening interrupted with a sharp, stabbing pain near my C-section scar…

Too painful to walk and too uncomfortable to try to “make the best” of the evening: home we went with me heading to bed with hot tea and medication to attempt to alleviate the distress..

That’s life with a chronic illness for you…it rears up when it wants to no matter the day or event: one simply has to live with it.

See? Fairly normal life stuff.

Here’s the truth:

My children do love me: they call (not just text!) to say hi once in a while, they laugh at my “mom-ness” in between their eye-rolling, and they let me kiss them good night most nights.

My husband doesn’t believe a card shows his affection for me on a “holiday”~ instead,he makes my bed for me almost every night so I can slide in comfortably.

So~
If I focus on how my Crohn’s ruined an evening, then I really will be miserable.

If I think my men don’t love me because of rare overtures of affection, then I really will be miserable.

If I let what I see played out for me on social media dictate how wonderful other people have it, then I really will be miserable due to the comparisons.

Who I am resides in the One who made me, not the ones who surround me.

That is a huge difference folks:

who is in me versus who is around me.

I am easily overtaken by anxious thoughts that try to pull me outside myself…instead of focusing on the Spirit inside me.

Outside of me, I feel I don’t measure up….that I am not loved….that I should be better.

Inside of me, I am loved…I am chosen…I am forgiven…I am made new…I am enough…I am a work in progress that is given sufficient grace every day.

Outside there is turmoil, chaos, brokenness, hurt, comparison, worry, stress, anxiety.

Inside there is peace. Patience. Goodness. Joy. Kindness. Self-control. LOVE.

So, if you were hurt or hurting on Valentine’s Day, I would encourage you to look inside yourself.

Find the One who offers all comfort, wisdom, and grace there…He is sufficient. He does provide all we need.

Our job is to stop looking elsewhere to find what can only be found in Him.

Ecclesiastes 3:11

He has made everything beautiful and appropriate in its time. He has also planted eternity (a sense of divine purpose) in the human heart (a mysterious longing, which nothing under the sun can satisfy, BUT GOD).

We are loved.

We have value.

Our lives have meaning.

Our lives have purpose.

No matter your age, your mistakes, your health, your relationship status, your dreams, your failures…

None of those can satisfy what your heart is longing for…those are the distractions from the outside…

LOOK INSIDE FOR MORE.

Yesterday was a battle zone in my head day…you know those days:

the one where the war wages over your thoughts?

All sorts of negativity piling on….and yet I persisted (she says proudly).

How?

Pushing past the thought.

Ignoring it.

Rebuking it.

I kept doing the NEXT RIGHT THING.

Psalm 37:7 says DO NOT FRET; it only leads to evil…

Pretty sound advice, isn’t it?

Because swirling around in that negativity doesn’t get a person very far,does it?

Maybe not even out of bed.

Do not fret.
Look for simple joys and thankfulness instead.

One step at a time.
One battle at a time.

Thank you for reading my blogs!

If this is a blessing to you please then share it with a friend!

#thisishowifightmybattles #thischicksinpeace #fightthegoodfight #fightdepression #fightthedarkness #anxietywarrior #anxietysupport #anxietyrelief #crohnsfighter #crohnswarrior #crohnsgirl #preachergirl #presson #endurance #endure #outofthedarkness #purposedrivenlife #psalm37

This time last year I was depressed…in every area I needed healing and rest~physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

So much had happened that I questioned my purpose, God’s plan, God…

I hurt.

And He didn’t stop the pain.

All my devotional notes speak to this~

I write in the margins of my books and Bibles with the dates so I can remember where I have come from as the years go by: these jottings are a poignant reminder of what has happened and when.

It has not been very long since I have walked up and out of that valley (in fact, I may still be reaching toward those final rocks to pull myself out of the ravine)…my memories are fresh, the scars are still visible, and the wounds feel like an old bruise…

But I am not in the valley anymore.

I can see the strength and growth that I gained as I kept putting one foot in front of the other…Moving forward in trust that I would make it and I could endure it.

Today, as I journal, I write that I am now HOPEFULLY EXPECTANT.

I can see purpose forming from my pain.

That keeps me pressing on.

Psalm 12:5

SING PRAISES TO THE LORD FOR HE HAS DONE EXCELLENT AND GLORIOUS THINGS; LET THIS BE KNOWN THROUGHOUT THE EARTH.

Amen to that truth.
I will sing of His glory!

I praise you because You made me in an amazing and wonderful way. I know this very well.

You saw my bones being formed as I took shape in my mother’s body. When I was put together there, You saw my body as it was formed

~ Psalm 139: 13-15 (NCV)

Those are hard words to say when there are days I don’t like what I see in a mirror or I don’t like how I feel due to an illness.

But they are true…I was knit together with a plan and purpose in my mind.

I was not a mistake.

You are not a mistake.

The Potter knows very well what He is doing with His clay.

Trust Him.

Press on.

H.ang

O.n

P.ain

E.ends

I’ve been journaling lately…just for me- especially (thankfully) since not many can read my writing😉

Working through the “I can’t’s”, the “what if’s” , “but I’s”…

Anxiety and worry are not fun bedmates y’all…fear of failure is THEIR friend and NOT mine…but he lingers around in my thoughts too.

I wrote this thought today in a prayer/talk to God in response to those thoughts:

You won’t CAUSE something awful to happen to MAKE me suffer.

I need to put those words on repeat.

Numbers 13:33 is the story of the Israelites about to head into the Promised Land after their exodus from Egypt.

God had done many miracles leading up to this point (remember the parting of the Red Sea?? Just one example folks…)

Moses sent 12 spies to go check out the land of Canaan and they came back saying it was wonderful. It was more than the people could have imagined!

But, there were these people living there…they looked huge…they looked strong and healthy…they did not look like people who had been slaves …they did not look like people who were homeless …they looked comfortable in their land.

10 of the 12 spies said there was no way the Israelites could defeat these giants. In fact, in comparison to these massive people, the Israelites were mere grasshoppers .. insignificant…small.

What good is a grasshopper against a giant?

I have been that grasshopper.

I am struggling with my identity now, in fact, as I look at giants in front of me.

The interesting part of this story, is the other 2 spies…Joshua and Caleb.

They saw the same thing but their perspective was completely different.

How could that be??

Is it possible that the self image of the other 10 spies gave them the appearance of being so small and the Canaanites so big?

Is it all about perspective when measuring ourselves against something that seems hard or impossible??

Joshua and Caleb were realistic of who they were and who the Israelites were….but they also knew who God was.

He had brought them to this point… miraculously…and He told them this land was theirs.

Joshua and Caleb believed that God would be true to His word (because He had been all along) and He would make a way for the impossible to happen (because He already had).

As I trust in the Lord and lean on Him, NOT my own understanding, He will make my path straight. He will not cause something awful to happen to make me suffer.

This is His path…His plan…My job is to go get what He has promised me and believe He will make a way.

And maybe that giant isn’t as big as it seemed…I won’t know until I hop up to it.

Not sure who else needs to say that but I felt it was necessary to share.

#fearoffailure #fear #fearless #worryless #anxietywarrior #anxietysupport #trustthelordwithallyourheart #hangon #hangonpainends #hope #endurance #endurancetraining

A devotional I read daily had this scribbled in it (that would be mine~ I have horrible handwriting!)

In response to a question – what is God’s purpose for your life– I answered:

2014~To raise my children to be Godly men, to show others Christ’s comfort and kindness, to live a changed life as an example to my family and friends so they will be led to salvation.

Little did I know what was coming in the years to follow that would test that very purpose..

A second question is what do you feel is your reason for existing?

I have been challenged to not only really answer both those questions in the six years since I wrote that piece of chicken-scratch, but to live my life as a testimony of my belief in those answers.

Psalm 62:6 lays the claim that I will not be shaken…what I believe keeps my faith deeply rooted so – when the storms blow – I will not be shaken.

But first, I must know what God’s purpose for my life is.

Isaiah 46:11 promises that God will make what He has said to come true; He will do what He has planned.

In my life, evidence of that promise is found in Romans 8:28 that God will work all things for His good for those who love Him and are called to His purpose.

My life has not been, nor is it now, perfect and rosy…

~I’ve got issues folks~

But I know my reason for existing and every blasted trial that bangs into my path confirms it.

I know God’s purpose for my life ..I may question it daily and doubt how it’s possible or how it will ever work out- but I cling to His faithful assurance that He is on the throne and loves me and press on to be who He created me to be.

So, in times of difficulty, answer those questions for yourself and believe that God’s plan never changes…He is always good….He is always just…He knows our every fiber and still loves us…He is merciful…He forgives…

And say these words from 2 Corinthians 4:8-9~

I am pressed but not crushed.

I am confused but not in despair.

I am persecuted but not abandoned.

I am struck down but not destroyed.

There is purpose and a reason for living in that confidence.