Revelations 2:4 tells the church of Ephasus that they had forgotten their “first love”….the Apostle Paul had previously written a letter to the (the book of Ephesians) that was so much more encouraging than admonishing-perhaps trying to warn them to stay the course, not wander off, be connected to the One you love…

In times of struggle it is easy to keep my focus on the problem. Let’s face it, some problems are unrelenting…terrifying…all-consuming…ever changing so you can’t relax because just when you thought you had a victory or over come- WHAM -another wave hits.

Reading Jesus Always by Sarah Young this morning has challenged my thinking…what IS my first love? Or WHO is my first love?

I think-my husband of course..he is who I married after all! 

Or I could think of that first real boyfriend and say it had to have been him…I may not have stayed with him forever but what I felt was real.

Or was it my folks? They loved me the instant they knew I was coming…they wanted me, planned for me, and have continued to walk with me all my 42 years.

Now, while the storm of life is raging, I question-has it become the storm?

Jesus Always writes this, ” When you prize Me above all else,making Me your First Love, you are protected from feeling fragmented.”

I love Jesus Christ. No hesitation.

But, my eyes are on the storm right now. I cannot deny it. 

I am scared and constantly on guard. I rest in peace intermittently and then fear or panic rises back up to stir the waters-distracting me.

I truly love who I am in the storm with and with would do most anything to keep them from harms way…but the question becomes-is that desire MORE PRIZED than my FIRST LOVE?

Do I desire their happiness and safety over the One who promises me that His joy will be complete in me making my joy complete?

NO facet of a storm can make my joy complete. No person can make my joy complete. 

Only Christ.

In Jesus only can joy become my strength. In Jesus only can joy exist in times of trouble. 

It just isn’t humanly possible to do that on your own. 

I cannot create my own joy and neither can anyone else for me.

People, my children, my husband, my friends, can make me happy but that happiness is circumstanally limited. 

COMPLETE JOY is what we are talking about here.

I do feel fragmented…my mind goes in a million directions trying to maneuver in the storm and hold onto the one in the center. 

That is not a bad thing. I need to stay alert and aware, be responsible, remain a safe place, stay calm, think ahead, be wise, be patient, stay strong….

But to do so on my own abilities will continue to hinder their progress and my own.

Staying in the storm with my focus on my First Love will allow me to be complete…whole….joyful…gentle…self controlled…can you see the extended list of the Fruit of the Spirit?

God does not call me to “leave” when the going gets tough…Instead, He calls me to lean on Him during those times.

To lean fully and in trust, I need to remember that HE is my First Love..

How do I know?

He created me.

He died for me when I did not deserved it.

He gives me grace and mercy when all human patience has worn out.

He forgives me.

He restores me

He refreshes me

He brings good things to me….even this storm.

My life is radically changed by this experience…but it has been changed by the One I am going to choose to focus on.