There is a song titled, you guessed it , Majesty.. It  was brought to my attention for perhaps the first time this week:

I have been given permission to share a story…one that I am just not sure I am ready to tell yet…I want to…it is a beautiful story of grace but…forgive me for holding back on all of it just yet.

In the meantime…

There is a lyric in this song that stands out so vividly to me~

“Your grace has found me just as I am…

Empty-handed but alive in your hands…”

I have been a part of a journey…not one I planned for, packed for, or ever saw coming in my traveling future…not one I have particularly enjoyed but, because of the majesty that has come through it, I have not really hated it either.

This journey is about life and death…and what do we do if one desires death over life? What do we do to support that person as a battle is being waged for their life over death?

One word comes to my mind as I look over the course of this journey…

Grace has covered these days, infused itself into the minutes, and carried over into tomorrow…

The next lyric writes~

Here I am, humbled by the love that You give…”

Well, let me tell you what my friends….that is

Standing on this side of the valley- perhaps of the shadow of death itself- I can see so clearly how God has been present and evident through my part of the experience of the dark wandering.

If you have experienced a valley, you know what that darkness looks and feels like:

You feel a weight upon you that is unnatural and will not lift.

There is heaviness in your bones that is not painful but yet uncomfortable whether in sleep or awake.

There is a shadow that lingers over your thoughts- where your deepest fear may reside. You know the shadow is there and what is contained within it…you do not want to step into it but you cannot make it go away either.

There is an ache in your soul that resonates throughout your being.

You are fatigued but cannot sleep.

You are awake but not present.

There is a cry on your tongue that, if released, may exit your mouth in the sound of a guttural scream.

And yet, for those of us who choose to believe, there is…

As I was unable to ever hit any version of REM sleep- I felt rested.

When I thought I could not possibly fight more, hang on longer, stay hopeful- I endured.

If fear threatened to overtake me, especially in my thought life- I overcame it.

When doubt crowded my ability to make good decisions- a sense of certainty was provided.

Courage in the face of panic;  love in place of serious dislike;  forgiveness before the behavior changed and rejection could have been warranted, understood, or justified; patience when the storm would not abate…

That all brings me to the song lyric meaning…

114 days ago my life was radically altered by a notion to love another sincerely no matter the cost to me directly. The opportunity to do so literally walked into my living room and plucked itself on my couch. To do such a task would require great trust in the One who was asking it of me…that He would cover my home with His grace in the form of protection, wisdom, compassion, mercy, forgiveness, and a deep deep love while this journey unfolded itself…sometimes it unraveled in almost horror and other times with an incomprehensible joy.

I stood guard in front of the doorway as the angel of death tried to pass through my house…to win the battle that was being waged over a despairing young soul…and I watched it pass over…we were, in fact,

There is no other explanation for it.

I have watched someone be “sanctified by glory and fire”…

Majesty…

Your grace has found me just as I am

Empty- handed but alive in Your hands…

Forever I am changed by Your love…

In the presence of Your majesty…

I witnessed this.

I heard this declaration in the sound of singing by one who is alive.

We have nothing to offer to One who laid down His life for us…nothing but empty-hands…and because of grace that is more than enough.

I am humbled by Your majesty.