My son, who would consider himself to be a smarty-pants person who thinks he knows me pretty well, got me a unique gift for Christmas. It was a devotional -that in and of itself is not exactly a unique idea (sorry bud, but everyone knows I like a good devotional!).

However, the type of a devotional is not like one I have ever seen before…It is written by 2 authors: when read one way it is by one woman and when flipped over it is written by the other.

But, it is the CONTEXT of the devotional as a whole that makes me think that maybe he does know me a little and sees me more than I thought he did after all…Smart kid.

It is called Always Enough/Never Too Much by Jess Connolly and Hayley Morgan.

If that isn’t my pendulum swing from one crisis thought process to another, I don’t know what is!

On any given day I struggle with either feeling like I am never enough of a person, a woman, a mother, a daughter, a wife, a friend, a minister to do anything that matters to the OPPOSITE end of the spectrum that I am too much to handle: too needy, too clingy, too high maintenance, too annoying- who wants to be around that kind of person and how is she supposed to make any kind of impact on this world or the people she loves in it?

I am either too much or not enough.

As a woman who wears many hats, I find that I am driven with purpose, I seek for deeper meaning in reasons and relationships, I have goals and dreams that are not easily expressed or understood…

That can be too much.

I love deeply, intently, intensely…I am fiercely loyal…I am invasive to your space because I care about so many facets that make you you…

That can be too much.

On the flip side, though, all that makes me feel as if I am not enough:

Not enough to be well received instead of cast aside as nosy, bossy, annoying…

Not enough to be heard for what I have been through, the story I want to tell, how the Lord’s hand is on and in my life…

Not enough to be able to branch out, step away from the “norm”, to take a risk that is outside of my comfort zone that allow me to obtain my dreams.

See how a book titled Always Enough/Never Enough is quite profound?

My good good friends gave me some advice the other day to write a truth to counteract the doubt/the lie/ the weight that entangled me.

I am too much? NEVER.

I am not enough? I am ALWAYS ENOUGH.

When I make a mistake? “There is no condemnation for you. We all make mistakes, and we’re all going to keep making mistakes”….that’s why we need and have grace.

When I disappoint people? “Jesus’ life goal was far removed from meeting the expectations of the people He really, really loved. The question wasn’t whether He loved them; the question was how He loved them. He didn’t love them by doing what they wanted. He loved them by doing what He was called to do.”

When I am sick or feel sick and wonder what my future role for anything is going to be? “God hasn’t responded with complete healing, but He has shown me that victory is right here- in the midst of the sickness. He’s shown me that when I’m weak, He’s strong, and that means I win. He’s shown me that sickness affords me a beautiful luxury of living out this truth: I am not enough but He is.”

I feel too honest, too vulnerable…discouraged and restless and empty? “If you feel like you have no filter and you’ve felt like you’re too much, I’m here to remind you that you were made in the image of God…your truth is not too much.”

I feel too much, I care too much? “Your empathy may be the only empathy that some ever experience. You’re never too much when you take a chance to clasp hands with someone else and experience their world.”

(Quotes by Jess Connolly and Hayley Morgan)

I know I cannot be alone in my thinking…so if you are someone who also vacillates between identifying as being too much or not enough be encouraged today.

You are not alone in your struggle for validation, acceptance, perfection, a sense of value…

We need to remind each other that our identity is secured as image bearers of Christ…that is what God sees when He looks at our hearts when we believe and accept Jesus as our Savior…He lovingly sees His Son in us…

And that, my friend, means we are perfected, a carrier of grace, and loved in our Father’s eyes.

I love that I am enough for Him.