Whoo! I had a night people….

All looked well going into it~the hubs was home, temperature cool, all was done for the day that needed to be done…

Seemed promising to rest well…

Then HEEELLLOOO insomnia!

She hasn’t been to visit in a long time- and rarely on a Thursday night when I don’t have to work the next day.

You know what I mean, don’t you? She rarely wants to hang out when we can sleep in on a Saturday…instead she much prefers the inconvenience of a Sunday night-knowing you work on Monday..

Drives me crazy!

But, SURPRISE! She showed up unexpectedly last night in the form of massive tossing and turning in the bed!

I decided to head to the couch out of concern I would shake awake my sleeping spouse (yeah right😉) where I proceeded to toss and turn for a bit more.

This time was more interesting than others…my brain decided to put on replay just one small snipit of a Newsboys song (I heard it a 1000 times last night in my head- do you honestly think I can remember the lyric now?!).

That stinking chorus kept playing over and over…I would change my thoughts and BAM! there is was again.

My thoughts were the same…rehearsing a day that is oh, about two weeks away…

I was thinking about the drive.

How would I do this…

How would I do that…

Over and over.

Nothing major folks…truly~ we’re talking high school Homecoming details…yet my brain would not let it go.

I went into my downstairs bathroom that is decorated with Elvis paraphanalia~ wouldn’t you just love to see it?!

On the wall is a picture of Elvis working in a diner with James Dean and Marilyn Monroe.. it’s a picture that needs to be plugged in so the lights around the diner window can “twinkle”.

Let me tell you…at 1 am, they might as well be strobe lights! I felt like I was having a psychodelic experience!

I did not need that at that time.

But, as I watched the lights moving so quickly around the darkened picture, I immediately realized that’s what my thoughts were like- quick, without focus or purpose, bright, seemingly random.

As those lights were frantically bouncing around the frame, I was frantically trying to reign in the impending anxiety rush that threatened me for no known reason.

To be honest- yes, I’m busy. I have tried to get back into a routine that refuses to settle down and cooperate so I can find structure.

Instead, I am left doing one thing today but completely unsure if that will work in next week.

I am forced to stay in today and leave tomorrow for tomorrow.

Not easy to do.

It’s especially not easy to do when your spouse (incredibly kind, compassionate, and very handsome😍) basically says “it will work out…it will be fine…oh well… we’ll see…”

And then sleeps like a baby.

My brain apparently disagrees and works overtime to find a solution to a problem that has not happened yet.

Please tell me I am not alone here in this…

In an effort to be an encouragement, while my world is as crazy-hectic as the next person, this is what I did…

1) yep, I changed my environment

2) when that song came on repeat, I intentionally sang a different song in my head- a slower pace, a soothing lyric, and one of worship. (When I was a kid -or an adult with a nightmare- I usually reached for “Jesus Loves Me”)

3) I recognized what was happening in my brain and refused to be sucked under in the anxiety that threatened to wash over me

4) I claimed the Scripture to take captive my thoughts…I’m in control here, not my thoughts

5) I rebuked fear: Those thoughts can take you places you don’t need to go so I actively said “no” to it

6) I prayed …for sleep, for calm, for stability in my thoughts, for increased trust that things will work out, in thank that I didn’t have much to do the next day

7) I claimed that my morning/day after would not be ruined by this event

A soft blanket, the fan turned on for white noise, my comfy couch…it worked.

Best sleep ever?

Nah.

But, I’m calm today and that is priceless.

I don’t know why I wrote all this…but maybe someone out there needs to know they aren’t alone in anxiety, worry, sleepless nights…

I’m pretty darn human and have plenty of weaknesses..just like you. I don’t have it all together or figured out…

I love Philippians 3:12-14 where the Apostle Paul is talking about himself~

Not that I have already obtained it –or have been made perfect- but I actively press on so that I may take hold of that perfection for which Christ took hold of me.

Brothers and sisters, I do not consider that I have made it my own yet; but there is one thing I do:

FORGETTING WHAT LIES BEHIND AND REACHING TOWARD WHAT LIES AHEAD.

I press on to the goal to win the prize of the call of Jesus Christ.

May we all continue to press on.