This is a rough video from the other night…I have never been recorded before so the fact I am sharing this is HUGE! But, it is a decent message that is worth sharing from Facebook Live.
https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1904534369579107&id=298075836891643.
I am hoping the link works…here is me being courageous…
This is a little thought about a sensitive issue….friendships.
Once a friend, always a friend?
Acknowledging that friendships do change means disloyalty?
“Often when life journeys us through various seasons, our relationships change with them.”
Many of us, if we are honest, have lost friendships or have noticed a significant distance in a relationship at one or two points in our life. As a person who places serious value relationships, this is a fact that troubles me deeply.
“Changes in friendship can affect us deeply.”
I have taken it as a personal weakness or failure if a friendship has gone to the wayside for one reason or other…I have grieved over this loss many a time in my 4 decades of living.
As with a marriage, it takes two for a friendship to be maintained. It takes commitment. It takes honesty. It takes quality time spent together. It takes a common denominator to hold it together….
But, as seasons change so do we…so what had once held us together may no longer be a factor anymore…and unlike marriage, we are not bound to a covenant to bind us forever together.
“Life experiences provoke personal growth and shift relationships to significant matters of life.”
“So although some friendships change for a season, they can sometimes return and be more fruitful.”
I figure that if I accept the relationship for what it was and what it is- nothing more or less, a real honest evaluation of it- the easier time I have in letting it go to God and trust He will restore it if needed, mend it if required, and return it if His will.
I try to not shut a door in anger on a friendship but instead resolve in my heart whatever hurts or misconceptions I may have carried toward it with the Lord if a season of distance is occurring.
I find if I choose to be thankful for what once was in that friendship, then I can also be grateful for what is, and therefore hopeful for what will be….whether with them or with whomever God sends my way next.
If He brought me such treasures in the package of friends at such specific times in my life, I can trust He will continue to do so.
Thanks to ” The 365 Most Important Bible Passages for Mothers”.
Read more about friendships in Acts 15 about Paul, Barnabas, John Mark, and Silas.
I once learned that we are like Paul…we all need a Barnabas ( a mentor), a Timothy (someone to mentor), and a Silas ( someone to walk like with).
If we properly categorize our relationships perhaps when a season changes we won’t be as surprised due to the nature of the role we had with them. Some may not need to be mentored forever….and you may require a different person to mentor you depending on what you are currently experiencing as well.
Just a thought.
I have mentioned before that I go to Bible College, right? I am sure in an earlier Blog about “trust” that I may have written of the story of why I decided to go…feel free to pursue the library to search for something about “Do You Trust Me”!
So, today, I am casually doing my homework -reading my assigned reading- when WHAM! An insight comes from left field and smacks me!
Unless you are also currently reading Solution Focused Pastoral Counseling as well, you may not get the chance to receive this little nugget of info! Therefore, I feel I am obligated to share it!
God never ceases to amaze me in my Christian life with how creative He is in getting our attention! Time after time He has used my schooling at Nazarene Bible College to give me an “a-HA” moment! It can be through some reading, like today, or through discussions on the assignment board or through an assignment itself.
How many can say that through their education process?!
It is pretty darn cool!
Bringing it back to today, to be honest, I have a headache. I fell sound asleep on the couch during the first part of my reading -I did tell you I am normal right? Think that totally proves it! When I woke up I had/have a tension headache.
Two ibuprofen, Extra Strength Tylenol x 1, peppermint diffuser, and a Diet Coke (sigh…we are out of Diet Dew apparently) and still a headache.
It could be from the extremely long list of things I should have been doing instead of napping whirling around in my head (and if you follow me on Facebook you should remember I started the day with the encouragement from Psalms to be taught to be wise with my time so I may grow in wisdom…let’s just say I do not feel that wise with my time is a great assessment of my day in my perspective).
So, I am now awake with my son walking into the house after his full day at school, and back to the reading I go…with a headache..,,and a to-do list mentally sitting between my shoulder blades…
But this pops out at me and I wonder, if perhaps, I am growing in wisdom after all…
“The Chinese word for crisis is very interesting. It is the word weichi. Wei means danger, and there is great danger in a crisis. But chi means opportunity. What you are going through represents one of the most drastic and abrupt changes an individual can encounter. This kind of change also results in a personal crisis. Keep in mind that in the midst of change there is both danger and opportunity. It is our responsibility to find and use the opportunity side of this loss….You are going to be formed by this crisis. It is up to you to determine how you are going to be formed” ( Charles Allen Kollar).
And there it is for us….a super deep thought meant to be chewed on and pondered! How do I want to be formed, or what do I want to be formed into, when I am in a crisis?
Danger and opportunity…sounds like an adventure!
Pick which character trait of God you need in life today and cling to it with all you have because HE IS FAITHFUL TO ALL HIS PROMISES!!!
Psalm 145:13-14 has it all in it today!
AND
Jesus Always by Sarah Young writes this morning that “sometimes you and I (God) are the only ones who know you have fallen”…
And we can be our own worst critics aren’t we?
The temptation is to either gloss over the issue since no one else is aware of it or to bury ourselves in the shame of the secret of it…
The NIV Life Application Study Bible note writes:
“Sometimes our burdens seem more than we can bear, and we wonder how we can go on. David (the author of this Psalm) stands at this bleak intersection of life’s road
and points toward the Lord…
God is able to lift us up because:
His greatness is unfathomable
He does mighty acts across many generations
He is full of glorious splendor and majesty
He does wonderful and awesome works
He is righteous
He is gracious, compassion, patient, and loving
He rules over an everlasting kingdom
He is our source of all our daily needs
He is righteous and loving in all His dealings
He remains near to those who call on Him
He hears our cries and saves us
If you are bending under a burden and feel that you are about to fall, turn to God for help. He is ready to lift you up and bear your burden.”
All that from two verses- how’s that for coaching?!
Pick which character trait of God you need in life today and cling to it with all you have because HE IS FAITHFUL TO ALL HIS PROMISES!!!
Some days, my devotions are just on point!
I read them and think- I need to remember this or I need to share this somewhere!
Lately, I have taken to social media…which is a fine, decent outlet for a quick thought. As I am learning to maneuver through the “#” and the “@” of the Internet, I discovered that people actually read what I say…even if it is not actually me but a quote I thought to share.
One would think that would make me feel good but it makes me feel strange instead…
I am actually hesitant to share a thought now because I don’t want the attention for it…how crazy is that?! God gives me a Word and I feel like hiding it under a lamp so I don’t achieve mediocre “fame”…so now He doesn’t get the glory…where is the sense in that??
That truly may be something for me to work through some day…hmph.
So, what do I do when I feel I have seen something that hits on point and I feel the burn inside to share it???
For this morning, I am choosing to retreat here to my little blog site of sort of but not quite anonymity…
Sigh.
Here we go, with a thought written by Joyce Meyer and interpreted by me so I can paraphrase it for you- I hope that is not a form of plagiarism…
Closer To God (with emphasis mine)~
“On difficult days it is helpful to be reminded to perservere in order to fulfill the call of God on your life…
<I believe I am called to be an encourager of sorts to all sorts of people…that being a fairly vague and broad spectrum of ministry opportunities, I am often uncertain if what I am doing or feel I want to do has value or is effective… Gotta love doubts, right?>
…He (Timothy the student of the apostle Paul) had reached a place where he needed to be encourage…
<I think it is a fair assessment to say that I need to be encouraged like…I don’t know… every day…>
Paul tells him in 2 Timothy 1:6-7…you may feel like quitting, but I am reminding you of the call on your life. Remember the power of the Holy Spirit that changed your life. He gives you a spirit of power, love, discipline, and self-control….Timothy was encouraged to be stable…”
I was reminded yesterday of what direction I believe the Lord wants me to go but had doubts that it would come to pass..that it was foolish…that it was not necessary…that it did not matter one way or another…
When I summoned up the courage to actually ask a question I really wanted an answer to I actually got not only an answer but also confirmation that I am moving in the direction that I had hoped I would go…
I know that is a vague example, but when you have a desire on your heart, that you believe was put there by God- because where would all these crazy ideas come from that I have floating around in my head if NOT from Him?!-if you sit passively and wait for those things, His promises, to come passively toward you with no effort on your own you will be sorely mistaken.
I will “fail” because I did not do the work…and that is not an option.
I am more than a conqueror NOT a failure!
Sometimes, it takes a phone call to seek clarity to get moving into a new direction.
Sometimes, it takes quitting something that is holding you back to get you moving forward into the direction God has for you (habits, disciplines, a job, relationships even..)
Sometimes, it takes waiting and growing in Him while you wait..even if others seem to be getting what you feel you deserve or desire…
It takes faith when you can’t see.
It takes perserverence when you feel you can’t stand up.
It takes endurance when you think you can’t hold on.
It takes patience.
It takes a support system that loves you, encourages you, builds you up, prays for you, believes in you, cries with you as much as they laugh with you…
“Giving up is only an option for those who plan to fail in life”
In case you hadn’t noticed..I struggle with a lot of things. If you have read any or many of my blogs over this year (it has officially been a whole year since I had the courage to begin writing in this type of venue!), you may have noticed a few things about me: I am too busy, my feelings fluctuate quickly and my writing reflects that, I am insecure and worried what others think of me, I want people to like me, I have doubts about my future…
I am sure there are others to list that you may enjoy pointing out but for now, I dare say, this “short” list will suffice!
As per my usual, my feelings dictate my thought processes lately.
If I am feeling low, my thoughts take me on a journey where I may have fallen short a time or two (hundred).
If I am feeling anxious, then I will find things to worry about and easily become overwhelmed by the multiple tasks in front of me.
If I am feeling angry, I will be looking for a fight somewhere so look out! You may find me aggressively folding laundry or suddenly inspired to wash dishes…
If I am feeling hopeful, then I begin to get excited…
If I am happy, then I am laughing or sitting in ease…
It goes on…and I am sure it is the same for all of us in some way or another.
The problem is that I TEACH others to not obey their feelings…
Ugh.
What a phrase to echo in your head…convicting you…when your feelings lead your thoughts and behaviors down a path the Lord does not want you to go because He knows the pit that path will end in.
However, the more my life has changed lately the more easily susceptible I have become to listening to my feelings.
There is an undercurrent of depression that fights for entrance into my home we are constantly waging against…my husband and I take turns standing guard over the threshold to keep it at bay or to kick it out because it is not wanted here.
We do battle to protect what is ours and will do anything to keep them safe….especially when that war zone is in the spiritual realm fighting to claim victory over what has been covered by the blood of the Lamb already.
That type of enemy attack is sly, sneaky, quiet like a thief, slippery…it comes in the dark of night when all should be sleeping and peaceful…it latches on when all seems well and digs its claws in causing confusion when there should be joy..it spreads like a plague to those around it because it is infectious…
Depression is no joke folks.
But…it is not invincible either.
After another long day of heaviness over my heart, I found joy in the laughter of those God has chosen to place around me.
Why these specific three and why now I find myself frequently asking lately? Is it alright that they bring me this much enjoyment I often worry??
Unfortuantely, I also teach others to quit asking WHY and ask a new question instead like WHAT NOW…
Again…ugh to the conviction!
Darn you accountability!
These three are gifts and my joy…it is what it is… So not why Lord, but instead what now?
I give thanks for them and accept the encouragement that is freely given through them. I receive the peace that is being offered because my Savior loves me…for no reason other than He knows me and made me- warts and all.
In my frustration of doubts, lack of understanding, insecurity, battle fatigue.. When I decide to look at things a different way and casts all those cares to the Lord- I read this and can truly see it:
Do not dwell on the past,beloved. You can learn from the past, but don’t let it become your focus…I am doing a new thing! Be on the lookout for all that I am accomplishing in your life. Ask Me to open the eyes of your mind and heart so you can see the many opportunities I’ve placed along your path…Remember that I can make a way where there appears to be no way”~ Jesus Always Sara Young
Maybe, these opportunities come in the form of fighting depression because it is threatening those I love…but it is also a training for something more as well because so many, too many, do not have anyone fighting for them as they wage this same battle.
Opportunities come in the shape of my uncertainty of my future so I better trust the Lord for the growth of my own faith…but maybe to also be an example of how to endure when you have no idea what is happening.
I LOVE Isaiah 43:18-19~
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See… I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?? I am making a way in the desert (the dry, barren, lifeless land of your life) and streams in the wasteland ( bringing fresh, forward moving water into what was stagnant and murky).
Look and see what the Lord is doing- He does not slumber nor quit, is always creative and creating…He is always working things for good for those who love Him.
Hallejuiah!
Can a girl get an “AMEN”?!
Forget frustration…I choose to be empowered!
Standing on this side of the valley- perhaps of the shadow of death itself- I can see so clearly how God has been present and evident through my part of the experience of the dark wandering.
There is a song titled, you guessed it , Majesty.. It was brought to my attention for perhaps the first time this week:
I have been given permission to share a story…one that I am just not sure I am ready to tell yet…I want to…it is a beautiful story of grace but…forgive me for holding back on all of it just yet.
In the meantime…
There is a lyric in this song that stands out so vividly to me~
“Your grace has found me just as I am…
Empty-handed but alive in your hands…”
I have been a part of a journey…not one I planned for, packed for, or ever saw coming in my traveling future…not one I have particularly enjoyed but, because of the majesty that has come through it, I have not really hated it either.
This journey is about life and death…and what do we do if one desires death over life? What do we do to support that person as a battle is being waged for their life over death?
One word comes to my mind as I look over the course of this journey…
Grace has covered these days, infused itself into the minutes, and carried over into tomorrow…
The next lyric writes~
Here I am, humbled by the love that You give…”
Well, let me tell you what my friends….that is
Standing on this side of the valley- perhaps of the shadow of death itself- I can see so clearly how God has been present and evident through my part of the experience of the dark wandering.
If you have experienced a valley, you know what that darkness looks and feels like:
You feel a weight upon you that is unnatural and will not lift.
There is heaviness in your bones that is not painful but yet uncomfortable whether in sleep or awake.
There is a shadow that lingers over your thoughts- where your deepest fear may reside. You know the shadow is there and what is contained within it…you do not want to step into it but you cannot make it go away either.
There is an ache in your soul that resonates throughout your being.
You are fatigued but cannot sleep.
You are awake but not present.
There is a cry on your tongue that, if released, may exit your mouth in the sound of a guttural scream.
And yet, for those of us who choose to believe, there is…
As I was unable to ever hit any version of REM sleep- I felt rested.
When I thought I could not possibly fight more, hang on longer, stay hopeful- I endured.
If fear threatened to overtake me, especially in my thought life- I overcame it.
When doubt crowded my ability to make good decisions- a sense of certainty was provided.
Courage in the face of panic; love in place of serious dislike; forgiveness before the behavior changed and rejection could have been warranted, understood, or justified; patience when the storm would not abate…
That all brings me to the song lyric meaning…
114 days ago my life was radically altered by a notion to love another sincerely no matter the cost to me directly. The opportunity to do so literally walked into my living room and plucked itself on my couch. To do such a task would require great trust in the One who was asking it of me…that He would cover my home with His grace in the form of protection, wisdom, compassion, mercy, forgiveness, and a deep deep love while this journey unfolded itself…sometimes it unraveled in almost horror and other times with an incomprehensible joy.
I stood guard in front of the doorway as the angel of death tried to pass through my house…to win the battle that was being waged over a despairing young soul…and I watched it pass over…we were, in fact,
There is no other explanation for it.
I have watched someone be “sanctified by glory and fire”…
Majesty…
Your grace has found me just as I am
Empty- handed but alive in Your hands…
Forever I am changed by Your love…
In the presence of Your majesty…
I witnessed this.
I heard this declaration in the sound of singing by one who is alive.
We have nothing to offer to One who laid down His life for us…nothing but empty-hands…and because of grace that is more than enough.
I am humbled by Your majesty.
I love reading the notes I have written in my Bible or devotionals…it is something I learned from watching my mom over the years. She would jot down names, dates, situations, prayer requests next to certain verses and would often mention them to me as she came upon them.
She still does…especially when those notes concerned me or my husband in our wayward days!
The neat thing about my own note-taking habit is hat I never know when one will pop up so it is a little memory surprise some mornings-something like a Bible Facebook memory!
Today my devotional led me to Isaiah 26:3-4~
You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. Trust the Lord forever, for the Lord, THE LORD, is the Rock eternal.
Off to the side I see 2 dates (one fairly recent and one from 2014) and 2 names. Both situations I can recall without effort as the intensity of those circumstances is ingrained into my memory.
What is more interesting is what I wrote in between the dates:
-how do I live with this?-
How often is that the question? There are so many times the choices that people make affect us in absolute adverse ways…we are T-boned by their life consequences and it hurts.
I learned a long time ago- although I am frequently reminded that I have not yet perfected the practice- that I am not responsible for another person’s choices or responses…
I get that…but it is a struggle within me to live that.
When my husband was walking his own path of drunken disillusionment, I somehow managed (with God’s help!!) to seperate myself from his choices. I had to come to terms with the reality that he was going to make his own decisions-whether I or laws of the land agreed with them- and he only was responsible for the consequence of those choices.
The reality for me was I would be seriously and significantly affected by those consequences which could wound me and my kids deeply, embarrass us, or even ruin the life we currently lived.
BUT I WAS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY OF IT…he would be.
I could not carry that weight because it was not mine to carry.
I chose to sleep with the phone away from the bedroom when he went out at night…I figured if there was something I needed to know that would pull me out of bed to deal with the police would come and tell me in person.
That was a sad time and a sadder reality.
But a hearty lesson of letting go and learning to trust in someone bigger than me to take care of me and those dirty details of life.
How do I live with this?
By trusting in the Lord, THE LORD I TELL YOU, for He is THE Rock eternal.
Do you want perfect peace in those not-so-perfect situations?
Trust in the Lord…He will keep you in perfect peace as you keep your mind set on Him…not set on the problem or what you cannot control-but on Him: your Maker, Creator, Savior, Comforter, King, and Friend.
Believe me or not, I slept those nights all those years ago.
I slept those nights in 2014 when I first wrote that note in my Bible.
I am sleeping now in 2018.
When I struggle, I return to the Giver of my Peace and ask Him to help me trust again.
My experiences have shown me that God is faithful for me to lean on..He is the only One who has never failed me…even as I come before Him honestly with my doubts, fears, worries, anxieties-especially in the peace of the night.
Setting my mind on Christ is the only solution that gives me rest.
But those who wait for the Lord – those that expect, look for, and hope in– shall change and renew their strength…they shall run and not be weary…Isaiah 40:31
Is that ever a good verse or what???
Except when feeling the need to apply it to your own life….
Waiting….stinks.
Yes, I think being productive while in the “waiting room of life” is incredibly wise and intentional but when there is seemingly nothing to do it becomes an incredibly stagnant way to pass the the time frankly.
Sometimes…there just isn’t anything to do in the waiting.
Or, worse maybe…there just isn’t anything you feel like doing or have the energy to do or have the attention span to do while waiting.
My lack of focus seems to be a recurrent issue…I have so much to focus on that I can’t seem to find my “spot” to see while I twirl in an effort to not get dizzy (a throw back analogy to my OLD dancing days). My eyes are constantly searching and searching…My mind just wanders and wanders…My body is restless from the effort to be still.
The funny thing is, for me lately anyway, that when I feel like I have made progress and have been called out of the waiting room I find I have simply been moved to another level of a sitting in a room in an office.
Know what I mean?
The questions haven’t really changed, the answers still haven’t been given, there hasn’t been too much change in the situation…marked improvement-yes, for sure- things are definately not worse thank God! But the plateau of healing and progress is loooooong and flat.
“Waiting on God does not mean that we do nothing, while expecting God to do everything for us. To me it means that I wait, expecting God to give me direction if there is something He wants me to do, while also trusting Him to do what only He can do…” (Closer to God Each Day).
Sometimes all there is to do is what you know to do in order to keep moving forward through the waiting…
It looks like doing alone time with God, maybe even extending the “normal time” by an additional 15 minutes each day (we all know we have the time…)
Sometimes it’s choosing to go to a Small Group or a luncheon when going home early or staying home instead seems a more appealing option…
Sometimes it’s inviting people over when you would rather be alone…
Time with God is always time well spent. Time spent serving God will always nourish a spirit.
So, to get through the waiting and not be tired or weary requires expectant hope in the faithful character of God.
I need to rememeber what He has done in the past for me, for others, in the Bible…lean on what I know and not what I feel.
With God’s help, I can do this.
So …Joyce Meyer’s devotional this morning reads (Closer to God Each Day) “the devil will give up when he sees that you are not going to give in”.
Hmmm.
How was your week?
I had a lovely breakfast and pedicure with my mom to celebrate her birthday Tuesday…during which I received a call and numerous texts wondering why I did not show up to my job. Nice feeling to screw up your schedule again and no call/no show to your professional place of employment.
Wednesday was a day full of preparation. I had a long time with the Lord in the morning before I planned out my Sunday School lesson and that evenings grief support lesson. The session was to go over the question “why“…it’s a pretty big deal question for those who are grieving. I also received a text to inform me of potential new joiners for the evening. It being a rather deep lesson for someone who is freshly grieving to walk into caused me to want to really prepare: what does it mean to lament? Is it ok to question God? What do I do when I don’t get the answers I seek?
I was ready and told my girlfriends that I felt emotionally and spiritually ready finally to face the class after a drought I had been feeling since January. I felt my zeal had returned.
At 5pm, my son wanders into the basement to play a video game. He comes upstairs a little later to inform me that the carpet feels “damp”.
I live in Michigan…we are wet here! Tons of rain and warm air that has melted a ton of snow on top of still frozen ground so all the condensation has zero place to go…that means flooding.
We have standing water in our back yard that looks like I could put my kayak in for a good time!
I head down stairs to assess the scene and, yup, we have water.
Did I mention my husband is in Atlanta?
I should also interject here that my Mr. Fix -It skills are rather lacking…
My sump pump either quit working or is overwhelmed to do the job that all this massive water accumulation is causing it to do.
I call my boys to the basement and call my husband for HELP.
As the minutes go by I realize I need to get to my class very very soon…how on earth can I do that? My basement is under water….
I was forced to throw up the white flag of surrender and called my pastor hoping he would answer the call for help and not be busy.
Thankfully, he did! He not only fascilitated my class for me but he also found someone to come ovef and work a miracle on my sump pump to get her going again…unbelievable!
Another miracle was that I only yelled a little at my boys and my frustrated husband only yelled a little at me during this time.
If you are married with children and own a home you will understand the shear magnitude of that truth!
WATER IN A BASEMENT IS STRESSFUL PEOPLE!
The boys and I managed to round up some dehumidifiers and set up camp for the evening to make sure our “fix” held…
All the while this is happening, my husband was trying to finish a deal for a kitten purchase…it was a long distance transaction with a multitude of unusual steps to ensure his arrival on Saturday…something the whole hkuse was excited for.
The boys and I decided to relax and watch a movie together -Thor (😁). We were all cozy in the living room, feeling thankful that the “flood” was caught when it was so the damage was not worse, grateful for the help of our pastor and the availability of the man who was able to help me out for free….
All seemed right with my world.
Then, my husband texted and said we were the “victims” of pet fraud….how on earth is there such a thing??!
Long story short, it appeared we were scammed foolishly out a small yet significant amount of money in our purchase of our newest family member. My husband was working hard to get our money back sussessfully…but now we have no kitten.
Disappointing.
This morning is Thursday: I have coffee grounds in my coffee, a wet basement, and no kitten.
BUT~I am not defeated. I am frustrated, yes….but, as my devotional reads, I have learned to “stand my ground and effectively resist the devil”.
I did not swear.
I did not cry.
I did not have a temper tantrum.
I did not fight with my spouse.
I did not carry on in panic with numerous people to stir up the drama of it all.
I did not lose my cool (too much) with my kids.
Thank you Lord for teaching me how to have self control and for loving me through the big and small trials of life. Thank you for helping me to learn “to be stable in hard times” so I can be close to God and “press through any difficulties” I may face…especially when they seem to come like a flood.
The devil can just QUIT IT because I am not alone in my battles- I have a mighty King fighting with and for me.
What Kind of Peace Is This? 